All I see is my Dad on the floor. I don't know how I live like this
I was eating some cereal and browsing the internet back in July. It was late at night, around 2am. I heard my Dad moving around up in his bedroom and figured he was up late in the bathroom. He had been taking diuretic medication and peeing a lot , so he was getting up at night a lot more often. He was back and fourth to his bathroom a bunch of times so I figured maybe he had diarrhea or something. I wasnt going to bother him.
I went back to eating my cereal and reading things online, then I heard a soft bang, like he stubbed his tow coming back from the bathroom or something. I heard an "ow/ouch!" and didnt think much of it. Its quiet and it sounds like hes back in bed so I went back to what I was doing. Then a few minutes later I hear a bang so loud that it sounds like someone did a cannonball off their bed onto the floor. The whole ceiling above me shook
I ran upstairs into his room and he was laying on the floor between his bed and dresser. The only light on in his bedroom was the little one on his nightstand next to his bed. I couldnt see him that well, but from what I saw, he looked ok and I figured he hurt his back or something. He was talking and being stubborn about me calling an ambulance. I said we have five minutes to get ready and Im taking him to the ER. If he couldn't get up or was hurt, I would call 911. He kept arguing not to call 911. I went into his bathroom and turned on another light so I could see him better because he was just laying there saying he had a headache and had to pee really bad. He was about 10ft in front of his bathroom door, so the bathroom light lit the area up well. He had a giant hematoma on the side of his head, with a huge gash like someone hit him with an axe. Then another smaller one more towards the back.
I immediately.. blacked out I guess. I went from "cmon get up we have to go to the hospital. stop being stupid" to "OMFG YOURE BLEEDINGWTF IS HAPPENING WHAT HAPPEND YOURE BLEEDING OH MY GOD DAD". It looked really bad. Well, it was really bad. I called 911 and dont remember much. I was screaming hysterically and running around to get him a clean towel and then I ran outside for the cops/ambulance that you could already hear. I stayed outside in shock, talking to the cop about my cat. They came out with him all strapped in and his whole head wrapped like a mummy. I ran over and yelled "DAD!" and he didnt even move. They told me they were tkaing him to a hospital about 40 miles away, despite there being a really good one about 10 miles away. The further one was a level one trauma center though. So I knew that was bad already
All the cops and EMS left and I was sitting in my driveway at like 3am, all foggy outside, and it felt like a movie. It was a horror movie and I was dissoccociating so bad ive never experienced anything like it. I went and sat in the wet grass in the back yard. I was so in shock I had no idea what to do. I called my brother in another state and when he picked up, all I said was his name and he said "oh jesus". Before I could get myself together enough to even think about driving, I got a call on my cell phone.
"Hello, Mr 78 east, this is Dr X, trauma surgeon at xyz hospital". I mean he just left here like 45 minutes ago and Im already getting a call from a trauma surgeon. I have no idea what he said next. He started talking about all sorts of technical stuff and I just remember him repeating "this is very unfortunate, im sorry". I kept hearing the word "unfortunate". I didnt hear most of what he said and just said to him, "Look I hate to ask like this, but is my dad fucking dead?!". "Im sorry Mr78east, this is very unfortunate situation, theres not a lot we can do on our end. We are waiting for the neurosurgery team that should be arriving any minute, and its up to them to make the final determination". None of this was real to me. It couldn't be real. I was on the phone with a doctor calling me "next of kin" and telling me my dad suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke. He said that they would wave the one visitor at a time rule and to get here ASAP and he would let us into the ER to see him. I knew what that meant. So he had a horrific stroke and also a terrible fall into something, which he made no attempt at stopping, judging by the extremely loud bang I heard right above my head.
I asked several times, in plain english, if my dad was dead. He didn't really answer and kept saying neurosurgery would be there any minute, but there was nothing he could do as a trauma surgeon. Basically my dad was dead and drive here as fast as you can and maybe you can see him in the ER. "im so sorry. this is very unfortunate" was repeated about 10 times.
So I drove there thinking he was dead. I got lost all over the campus looking for the way in, since everything was shut down from COVID. Finally I found the right entrance and had to wait outside for my brother, since he was inside and they only allow one visitor. My bro came out and told me dad survived emergency surgery. They showed him imaged and his entire skill filled up with blood. The pressure was so bad that it shifted his brain and they had to open his skill up to relive some of it. So I drove there thinking he was dead.. they saved his life. We both tried to sit there blissfully ignorant for a bit. Pretending in our heads that he would be ok. He "survived" surgery, right!? He was our dad, of course he'll make it. Thats Dad!
We sat out front on a bench talking for hours, while he was being moved to the ICU and we'd be able to see him. Finally we were able to go in and see him. I went in first. I can still smell the room and everything. Its been over three months. I can hear the machines, I can talk through the entire hospital to his room 21 with my eyes closed. I can hear the ventilator, smell the disinfectant, the noise from all the various machines keeping him alive and giving him medication. He was somewhat alert that first day. He had his eyes open after surgery. He would shake his head up and down when Id ask him things most of the time. He would squeeze my hand. I asked if he recognized me and could hear me and he shook his head up and down. Before I left that night (visiting hours 8pm because of covid made it pretty tough) I asked him if he could squeeze my hand extra hard for me so let me know he was there. He squeezed my hand so hard that it hurt. Like crushed my fingers. I went home full of hope
The next day we were back and he was somewhat the same. Eyes open some of the time, responding to a few commands like squeeze my hand.. but not really there. He wouldnt wiggle his toes etc. I spent the next 15 days in his ICU room with him. The first couple days seemed hopeful. But nothing changed. He was semi-conscious at best, but usually somewhere between asleep and awake. He would open his eyes sometimes and look at me confused. But then kinda smile and nod. He had a ventilator in him the whole time so he couldn't try to talk. The first few days, they had to tie his hands down because he kept trying to pull the ventilator out - which was a good sign! But he re-bled into his brain once. I forget which day. One of the neurosurgeon nurses explained it. Either way, he wasnt progressing. He was just laying there and new issues were starting. He had pneumonia, really bad fevers to the point of them putting a freezing cold water-blanket thing under him that was hooked to a big machine pumping cold water through.
Everything is fuzzy here because It was just me going home to our house every night, crying and screaming, sitting on the deck with my cat until 2-3am, laying on the couch until morning then going back to the hospital and doing it again. I barely slept or ate. I didn't sleep for about 72 hours the first week. I just wanted to be with him every day so that if he ever woke up, he would see me and not a stranger. I sat in his room andn would just hold his hand and talk to him about happy things. He would "wake up" every now and then and look at me and I would just talk to him about simple things. I would tell him his favorite meal, our favorite movies, I would repeat quotes from Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday in the movie Tombstone. I would describe tv shows and movies to him and talk about the cat. Anything really. There was a couple times during the first few days where it looked like he was clearly trying to talk to me, but the ventilator tube made it impossible.
Doctors and nurses would come in and talk to me every day. Most to ask if I was ok or needed anything. Some would update me with little positives about my dad from over-night or earlier in the day. Then others were obviously there to slowly feed me the truth. Im not a doctor but I could see what was going on. Several times that first week, the attending physican would come in and talk to me about long-term outlook. "major deficits" kept getting thrown around. But this was my dad. I didnt care if I had to push him in a wheelchair or help him eat or whatever. I would do anything for him. They kept slowly feeing me the truth though. Theyre obviously very smart and trained for this. They saw that I may have been a 30something year old guy on the outside, but I they were talking to a little boy who was losing his father, one day at a time.
The nurse ethicist urged us to find his living-will, if he had one. He had been there for at least 10 days and making no progress, just having more issues. I was still hopeful for pushing him in a wheelchair on nature trails, taking him home and cooking for him etc. But it wasnt happening. He couldnt follow any commands and they couldnt remove the ventilator if he couldnt breathe on his own.
So we had a choice. Find his living will and do what he wished for himself, or let this continue. I had to go through all his stuff, which is so hard I cant even describe. These are his THINGS. Like all his little keep-sakes, all that sort of stuff. He kept so many cards and letters from when we were kids. He saved so much stuff it broke my heart. All the little things he kept because they meant something to him. What I called clutter, is actually things that meant the world to him and I see that now. So luckily I found a receipt to a lawyer, detailing the charges. One of them was for a will and all that. Called the lawyers office and had them email a copy. Brought it in with the team of nurses, doctors and nurse ethicist and it was pretty clear. I mean, even for someone like me reading it, the wording was clear. He was making no progress and there was very, very little chance for any meaningful recovery, at his age and given the severity of his stroke and the damage done.
I couldnt handle anymore and luckily my brother was there to take care of the paperwork and all that. We had a meeting in a little room with about 6-7 doctors, nurses and a wonderful nurse ethicist. They kinda made it clear what Dad wished for and laid it out. The process of taking him off life support and moving him to hospice/palliative care. Again, Im not doctor but I could hear the way they were talking. I dont have a diploma but I can read body language and tone of voice pretty well. He was never making it to hospice/palliative care unit. He was going to the die in the ICU shortly after they removed his breathing tube. It had been 15 days and we either had to remove it, as his will wished for, or put him into surgery and have it implanted into his neck and then a feeding tube inserted. We couldn't do that to him. Thats not what he wanted so we had to make the hardest choice I can ever imagine making. Luckily he made that choice for us though. We just had to honor his wishes.
My brother signed all the paperwork and I went outside and fell apart in the parking garage, again. He was juggling a full-time job and a 2 hour commute to the hospital every day so he took a few days for himself and I stayed at the hospital with my dad. The "excavation" was scheduled for a few days later and we were to meet at the hospital at 10am. The next few days I talked with a social worker for the ICU, as well as the nurse ethicist. They were great people and made it a little less horrific. I just spent as much time as I could as the hospital. Inside his room, outside in the garden and every night watching the sunset outside, after visiting hours ended.
We waited outside his room while they removed the ventilator and then had us come in (if we wanted to). He couldnt breathe. I knew he wasnt going to be moved to hospice in the other wing. They knew it too. They removed all the loud machines from his room and monitored him from the nurses desk outside. The nurse would come in and out to give him medication, while the nurse ethicist stayed in the room with us. She put her arm around me and it wasnt much but I appreciated it. He sounded like he was snoring really bad. He couldn't breathe on his own and we were letting him die in front of us. But this is what he wanted. I wondered if I made the right choice, choosing to stay in his room and watch this. But I'm glad I did. I was with him until his final breathe. I held his hand and felt his pulse fade away, until the nurse came in to tell me that he was gone. Everyone left and I spent one last moment with him. I hugged him and said "I love you forever dad". Not till death, forever - whatever forever means.
They let us stay in a patient family room in private after. Nothing felt real and I was dissoccociating so bad for survival. I felt like I was wacthing tv. The hospice nurse said this was normal. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Crystal clear blue skies, 90 degrees. I went outside and said goodbye to my siblings, they went back to their world to cope. I stayed at the hospital. I sat out in the sun, in the garden/courtyard area and just sat there for hours like I did every other night. Only it was the middle of the afternoon and my dad was no longer here. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I dont have any family in the state, no good friends and my mother is not part of my life and hasnt been for years.
I eventually went home and sat on the deck with my cat. He was really confused, and still is. At first he was literally looking for my dad. Going around the house howling up the stairs and stuff. He sat on my dads lap every night and slept on the couch next to him.
There was no warning or anything, obviously. Just here one day and gone the next. I cannot get the image out of his head. Or his voice telling me hes ok, hes fine, just a headache and has to pee bad. Him in his white undershirt and black briefs, laying on the floor. The huge pool of blood and.. fluid, under his head when I turned the big light on. The sound of the ambulance idling in the driveway as they wheeled him out. The smell of the hospital. The sound of him gasping for breather after being taken off life-support. Ive slept in his bed. Ive opened his closet just to smell his clothing. I shout his name in the middle of the night and beg for something weird to happen, so that I can know that hes "there".. somewhere. I go into the basement and scream at the top of my lungs for him to come back.
I cant watch tv or a movie. I cant really do anything. I cant focus for 10 minutes. I cant read anything without starting over 10 times. I got netflix and wanted to finish the office (only made it to season 6) and havent watched a single episode yet. I just turn on re-runs and leave them playing while I get lost in thought. I literally cannot function. My hygiene is falling apart. My own health is getting worse and im neglecting it. My cat is all messed up and just hides under the table all day and meows or howls randomly. My own health is very poor and thats why I lived with my dad. I have no idea where I'll live next year and at this point I dont even care. My head is so fucked up I just want to pitch a tent in the woods and disappear from life. I understand homelessness now. I dont care anymore. I just dont care. Nothing matters and theres no chance of focusing for even 22 minutes on a television show, let alone all the other things I need to do to live.
I got a few appointments with a bereavement counselor. I have to wait two months for an intake appointment with a therapist (been going to the same place for years, but lapsed at the start of covid and have to start all over now..) and I see a psychiatrist once every three months, who is a total jerk and talks over me, but I have no other outlet. Hours and hours just disappear. I have no idea what Im doing. I was barely surviving before this. I see literally zero percent chance of being able to make it out of this. I was diagnosed with c-ptsd years ago, long before any of this. Then was diagnosed with two serious diseases, one of which is for life and will end me one day. I was trying to navigate life knowing that im limited in what I can do and that I'll never have that long, full life that most people take for granted. Then this..
submitted by 78east
I went through 700 reddit comments and collected 131 ADHD pro-tips!
So there was that awesome Reddit thread
with a bunch of ADHD'ers sharing real tips
that have changed their life.
I thought it was a great change from most advice on the internet which is written by non-ADHD'ers (and it's painfully obvious that it is).
I read through the 700+ comments and paraphrased, merged and categorised all the tips.
The 131 tips are split into the following categories:
- Time Blindness
- Getting Things Done
- Emotional Dysregulation
- Executive Function
- Pack things the day before so you don’t forget ~ (u/digi-cow)
- Don’t drink alcohol. Causes brain fog and it can negatively interact with medications. Alcohol can even cause ADHD-like symptoms in non-ADHD people ~ (u/HiTechTek, u/beatadhd)
- Do Cardio before you need to do stuff that requires sitting. It helps you focus. ~ (u/robertaloblaw, u/beatadhd)
- Use text-to-speech generators to help you read webpages/books ~ (u/elliptical_orbit)
- Keep things at eye level (Especially notes/todo lists) ~ (u/asmugone)
- Be stupidly early to places just in case you forget something ~ (u/asmugone)
- Stretch once in awhile. ~ (u/theweirdo_nextdoor)
- Take a deep breath. ~ (u/theweirdo_nextdoor)
- Take a cold shower in the morning or turn it cold just for 30-60 seconds at the end of your shower. Wakes you up, gets your blood flowing and gets you out of the shower. ~ (u/Juan_Creamsicle, u/beatadhd)
- Get a therapist if you can. ~ (u/fineandnormal)
- If you aren’t diagnosed: Actually get a diagnosis and a therapeutic programme that works for you. Don’t spend more time wondering - you’ll still feel like an imposter afterwards, don’t worry… ~ (u/Little_Blue_Shed)
- Most important for me has been telling myself all I need to do is floss. Usually you'll end up chaining the rest of your night routine tasks like brushing onto that. ~ (u/amazona_auropalliata)
- Buy a whiteboard to sketch out things when your mind starts going into overdrive. ~ (u/bkmilli)
🌟 My Favourite: Enjoy the journey more than the destination, don’t be in a hurry to finish something you are doing, but always at least do something small everyday. Life is not a race, rather, it is an accumulation of smaller improvements to oneself. ~ (u/ksettle)
People are in such a rush these days… You can’t expect to become a superhuman overnight. Focus on sustainability first and enjoy the journey.
- Have a designated spot for every single item (Put it in the same place every time) ~ (u/BrownShoeJenny)
- Have a “misc” basket in each room. If you’re truly unable to put something away, put it in the basket. Have a designated period of time, once a week, when your sole priority is to put everything away, all at once. ~ (u/lexid22)
- Whenever you lose something that you “put away,” start keeping it in the first place you looked for it. ~ (u/FullDisclosureDaemon)
- In order to not get overwhelmed when cleaning, remember there are only 5 things you need to tackle: Trash, Laundry, Dishes, Putting things back that have a place, Put things in a pile that don’t have a place. ~ (u/mmc09)
- If you’re moving from one room to another, take the item with you that needs to go to the other room. It’s already on your way and it’s one less thing cluttering your room. ~ (u/SweetTeaBags)
- If you can afford it: Get a cleaning person; It takes them 3 hours to do what you can do in 3 weeks. While they are there, use them as an accountability buddy and sort out your misc tasks like paying bills. ~ (u/swarleyknope)
- Embrace chaos. Let your brain get distracted when you’re cleaning. Cleaning dishes and stop spare trash? It’s fine go clean that and then get back to the dishes ~ (u/DobbythehouseElff)
- Have a dedicated playlist for cleaning. High tempo songs help keep you moving. ~ (u/DobbythehouseElff)
- Do chores before you go to bed. No matter what your routine is, you have to go to bed at some point. You can “habit-chain” cleaning into going to bed. ~ (u/bkmilli)
🌟 My Favourite: Listen to podcasts/audiobooks when doing chores. My excitement to listen to a new episode of my favorite podcast motivates me to do boring stuff like dishes or laundry. (I personally listen to podcasts) ~ (u/dani-tp)
Cleaning became so easy once I started using a “side” to stimulate my brain. I’m mostly watching TV shows when I clean right now (this also works for cooking!) .
- Having a tablet like an iPad Pro is helpful for keeping colorful notes. Avoids issues losing notebooks ~ (u/zombiessalad)
- Park in the same place every time when you go to a common place. You won’t forget where you park that way ~ (u/gibbousboi)
- Keep a spare house key in your car and one outside your house. ~ (u/GoodGuyVik)
- Keep important items in visible and convenient locations. e.g: Take pills when you eat? Keep your bottle beside your table where you eat. ~ (u/girlabout2fallasleep)
- Get a Tile. Bluetooth GPS trackers that are a game changer for ADHD people that lose keys/wallets. ~ (u/fizzzzzpop)
- Tape your most often made recipes to the inside of your kitchen cabinet doors. ~ (Unknown)
- Three point check when you close the front door: Phone, wallet, keys ~ (u/cowboyhugbees)
- Use voice assistants. “Remind me to do X tomorrow at Y time” ~ (u/theviciousfish)
- Use the mind palace memory exercise to help solve retention issues. ~ (u/asmugone)
- Keep forgetting your lunch? Put your keys on it. That way you can’t leave without your lunch ~ (u/Therealdickbut, u/Maktube, u/mismanager)
- If you need to remember to bring something with you the next day, place it right in front of the exit door so you HAVE to touch it before you leave the house. If it’s something in the fridge, put a sticky note on the exit door’s handle. ~ (u/lexid22)
- Buy multiple items that you use often. Setup multiple chargers at work/home (so you have a spare if you lose one). e.g. buy 10 different lip balms so you can always find it when you need it. ~ (u/redbananass)
- Have convenient, labeled spaces for things. It’s hard to forget your phone when you ALWAYS put it beside your charger. (Use a cheap labelmaker!) ~ (u/TotallyLegitEstoc, u/nathanb131)
- Get a tracking tool like Tile and put it on things you lose regularly. (Keys/Wallet) ~ (u/3GrilledJalapenos)
- Have rules for placement of the important things in your life. (it’s too hard to do it for everything) ~ (u/nathanb131)
- Create a second brain for yourself - in whatever way is most appealing to you. (I personally use Notion) ~ (u/significanttoday)
- If you want to remember something, put an object out-of-place whilst thinking about what you want to remember. ~ (u/VectorGambiteer)
- Count your steps as you walk into a new room. It’ll help you remember why you entered that room. It gives you something to focus on but it’s not too much that you’ll get distracted. (This is similar to many forms of counting meditations too) ~ (u/bethknowsbest)
- Use a bowl to throw your keys, badges, and wallet into when you get home. That way you can’t leave without ALL the stuff you need. ~ (u/pockunit)
- ALWAYS have a bag with the essentials. On mine a have my keys, charger, papers and even tooth brush. If I’m going out, I do not waste time searching for everything. Just search for a bag. ~ (u/sdjrp)
- Make a calendar entry for every scheduled thing religiously unless it’s routine like a 9-5 job. Make the calendar entry immediately while making the appointment. Do this for parties, birthdays, dates, finals, med refills, trash night, etc. ~ (u/percyjeandavenger)
🌟 My Favourite: Use Spaced Repetition to study for your exams, remember things about people in your life, and literally everything you can possibly make a flashcard for. ~ (u/beatadhd)
Is it narcisstic to put my own tip as a favourite? Well who cares, it works! Spaced repetition is fantastic and honestly feels like cheating*. There are a lot of free tools out there which work great. I’m currently using my own private tool* 😉
- Set your phone clock 10-15 mins fast on purpose ~ (u/Anonredditthoughts)
- Put appointments in your calendar 10-20 minutes earlier than the actual appointment ~ (u/Alyscupcakes)
- A schedule is only as good as the alarms and info you put in ~ (u/asmugone)
- Set timers for activites you hyperfocus on. BUT set the timer for X minutes less than the task takes. (Give yourself time to wrap up whatever you’re working on) Additional Protip: Use this on a watch rather than your phone to avoid getting distracted. A basic watch/smart watch will save your life. ~ (u/dinamyte519)
- Download an app on your phone that chimes and buzzes every half an hour during your awake time. Keeps you aware of how much time has passed. ~ (u/Frosty172)
- Track your time. Every morning, write out a todo list by hand and track the time taken for each task. (Write down the time whenever you take a break or switch tasks) - I personally use Toggl to track my time ~ (u/ImprovedMeyerLemon)
🌟 My Favourite: Get an electric toothbrush with a timer. ADHD people have time blindness and it’ll make sure you brush for at least two minutes. ~ (u/insaxon)
Yes. Two minutes can feel like two hours for me. Or I’ll brush for 20 seconds and think five minutes has passed. I can’t trust my brain, so I started using an electric toothbrush with a timer
- Disable all your notifications on your phone except for essential apps (Texting, Voicemail, Calendar) ~ (u/kee_kee)
- Use website blockers for distracting websites (I use Cold Turkey, Freedom and News Feed removers for social media + Youtube) ~ (u/elliptical_orbit)
- Get a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones + non-distracting music/audio ~ (u/elliptical_orbit, u/michaeltheobnoxious)
- If you can’t stop yourself from answering that text/email/IM right away but don’t actually have time to deal with it, tell the person you’ll respond when you get a minute. ~ (u/theweirdo_nextdoor)
- Your brain focuses better after some exercise. Cardio works best ~ (u/unofficialuser112)
🌟 My Favourite: Use a noise-cancelling headset and listen to music/white noise/brown noise. Enables hyperfocus and blocks out distractions (“I don’t regret getting diagnosed late, but I do regret getting noise cancelling headphones that late in life.”) ~ (u/rn7889)
Stop scrolling right now and go buy the noise-cancelling headset. A noise-cancelling headset + some noise like music/brown noise is essential if you have ADHD. Feel free to thank me later once your life changes.
If the headset isn't in your budget: Brown noise + earphones will get you 80% of the way there.
Getting Things Done
- If you have an Android: Put a widget from your todo list app on your home screen so it’s the first thing you see ~ (u/kee_kee)
- Break tasks down into as many smaller tasks as you need for it to feel manageable. ~ (u/theweirdo_nextdoor)
- Learn to plan around transitions. It’s easier to start things if you chain them with another task that is ending. ~ (u/lexid22)
- Use the pomodoro technique for everything. It’s great having a break to look forward to. ~ (u/ontapeina_sthrnaccnt)
- Remember that something is better than nothing. If you only get 26% of a task done then it’s further than if you never started. It’s better to do little bits of every task rather than procrastinating. ~ (u/xxxistentialist)
- Attach numbers to events. e.g: Going to bed (3) - Brush, Floss, Mouthwash. ~ (u/Frosty172)
- Lie to yourself. I’ll tell myself that I’m just going to unload one dish from the dishwasher. Once I’ve started, I’ll at least unload a few, and maybe clean the whole kitchen. ~ (u/coffeeclichehere)
- Decide what you’re going to do each day beforehand, preferably while your meds are at their workingest. Make sure it’s only 1 thing. ~ (u/optimisticaspie)
- Understand that FUTURE YOU IS STILL YOU. If you think you’ll do something later, understand that future you is still you. Future you isn’t more likely to muster up the desire to do the work. f you don’t have the motivation to do it in the next 24 hours then future you probably won’t either. ~ (u/Moon_In_Scorpio)
- When you need to transition between tasks, pretend that you are talking to a friend who is having issues with something. Give yourself a nudge and remind yourself it’s time to switch tasks/get started. (Detach yourself from the task) ~ (u/Gerryislandgirl)
- When you take breaks, make sure your break isn’t too interesting. That way you won’t get absorbed in your break. Just clean during your break or something like that. ~ (u/Treppenwitz_shitz)
- Gamify things and set a limited amount of time to accomplish something. e.g: Brew your coffee and get as many chores done as you can before the coffee is finished brewing. ~ (u/strngrsstpngstngrs)
- Write TODO lists as a brain dump. And then order them in importance or the order you want to do them in. That way you don’t pause while writing down tasks. ~ (u/strngrsstpngstngrs)
- Don’t be afraid to stimulate yourself if you need it. Listen to a podcast or music to get yourself to do something. ~ (u/fineandnormal)
- Reward yourself when you get things done. Positive Reinforcement is good and you’ll feel like getting more things done. ~ (u/prince-ali-but-short)
- Change your environment and work from a place where there are fewer distractions. e.g: Cafe/library. You’ll get more stuff done ~ (u/humbled_lightbringer)
- Set a time to do work, and a time to relax; that way you don’t feel guilty about relaxing during the time you set aside for yourself. ~ (u/talking_face)
- Change your alarm sounds/timer sounds frequently, but use alarms and timers as much as possible. ~ (u/Little_Blue_Shed)
- Treat timers and alarms like non-negotiable laws. When the timer goes off, doesn’t matter what you were doing seconds ago, it’s time to go. Half showered, wet hair, one eye done, whatever it is, you’re out the door. ~ (Unknown)
🌟 My Favourite: Body doubling - if you need to do some work that requires focus without much fun, have someone in the room with you. They could be working too, or not. Just having them there makes everything just a little more interesting and a little more accountable. ~ (u/Creebjeez)
I feel like a lot of people are missing some sort of accountability system in their lives. I don’t do body doubling but I use Beeminder to keep me accountable.
- Brain dump in a notebook by your bed every night. ~ (u/ALyscupcakes)
- Don’t feel bad about sucking at school/work. You’ll get better as you learn more strategies for coping with ADHD. Things get better ~ (u/astrozork321)
- Use writing/journaling as cognitive therapy to defuse emotional history ~ (u/Tman1307)
- Remind yourself that the world won’t end if a few things fall behind. ~ (u/theweirdo_nextdoor)
- Write a reverse todo-list. Write down the things you have accomplished for the day. That way you won’t feel overwhelmed and it’ll make you feel better. ~ (u/SuspiciousEchidna)
- You’re allowed to let things go. Forget irrelevant things and forgive yourself. Ignore the awkward thing you did last week. Life will move on. ~ (u/bitetheboxer, u/optimisticaspie)
- Forgive yourself for your limits. ~ (u/3GrilledJalapenos)
- Meditation. Active breaks for people that struggle to take breaks. Use a meditation app when you’re starting. Like Headspace ~ (u/Juan_Creamsicle)
- Start working on letting go of shame. It depresses your motivation and only makes things worse. You wouldn’t shame someone in a wheelchair for not getting things done, your difficulty is in your brain instead of your legs but it’s no less real. ~ (u/percyjeandavenger)
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy + meditation ~ (u/beatadhd)
🌟 My Favourite: You’re allowed to let things go. Forget irrelevant things and forgive yourself. Ignore the awkward thing you did last week. Life will move on. ~ (u/bitetheboxer, u/optimisticaspie)
Stop hating yourself. Don’t look at the future. Don’t look at the past. Look at the present. I used to always hate myself for being so unproductive. I realised how pointless that was and I started to focus on improving myself in the present.
- Put your phone on the other side of the room and make your alarm super loud. Gets you out off bed and will make you turn it off so you don’t wake other people up. ~ (u/Valendr0s)
- If you’re having trouble getting out of bed then set a timer on your phone for 5 minutes and chuck it across the room. It’ll force you to get up and turn it off. ~ (u/PMDicksInTinyClothes)
- Buy 2 bright lamps and 2 timers. Set them up to turn on automatically 5-15min before you want your alarm to go off in the morning. The lights help your body know its daytime ~ (u/lexid22)
- Change your thermostat so the temperature goes down an hour before bedtime and gets warmer 30 minutes before you wake up. The cooler temperatures get your body to sleep and the warmer temperatures help you wake up ~ (u/lexid22)
- Use a reminder app for starting your bedtime routine, not just your bedtime. (And have a bedtime routine) ~ (u/3GrilledJalapenos)
- Try setup meetings/commitments early in the morning. They'll force you to get out of bed ~ (u/beatadhd)
🌟 My Favourite: Set two alarms when you get up in the morning. One to get out of bed and one for your medication. e.g: 5:30 AM wake up and take medication and then fall back to bed. By your 6AM alarm you’ll have waken up and your meds will have kicked in ~ (u/BizzarduousTask)
What a great lifehack. I’ve been doing this the past few days (except I don’t wake up at 6AM) - it works pretty well. Also I throw my phone on the other side of the room so it forces me to get out of bed.
- It’s okay to be in a room with people and just let people breathe. You don’t need to fill the silence. ~ (u/asmugone)
- When having a conversation or learning something, repeat every word the person says in your head. It’ll help you not drift off as much. It also makes it so you’ll interrupt people less. ~ (u/TheNocturne)
- Try to avoid the word 'but' when faced with a conflict. Instead try be constructive towards arguments/discussions with the word 'and'. ~ (u/beatadhd)
🌟 My Favourite: For maintaining eye contact: Imagine a red dot on someone’s nose for intense focus. Bridge of the nose for paying attention. ~ (u/asmugone)
Haven’t tried this one but I used to have trouble with eye contact a few years ago so this stood out to me. I’m pretty good with eye contact now, but I’ll be trying it over the next few weeks anyway.
- If you hate your job. Make a job switch. It’ll help you make positive changes in your life. ~ (u/Mooberry_)
- Find a job that works WITH your system. If you can’t wake up and be functional in the morning then stop trying. Find a job that doesn’t need you to wake up in the morning. Stop beating yourself up over things your brains isn’t designed for ~ (u/obxunseeker)
- Be self-employed and start a business. “No matter where I worked or what I did, I was constantly watching the clock, hating every single second of it. On Saturday I worked 27 straight hours to finish a job on time and it was still less painful than working an 8 hour shift as an employee. Those 27 hours disappeared and left me feeling gratified because I made someone’s house beautiful and I got to see how happy I made her the first time she saw her new home.” ~ (u/jake7697)
- When promising a timescale to a client, double or triple the amount of time that you initially think it will take. That way worst case scenario, you will finish it on deadline and meet expectations or best case, finish before and exceed expectations. ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
- The moment you know you aren’t going to make a deadline, let the client know and again give them an overestimate of time for new deadline. People are always understanding and appreciative for this quick communication. ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
- Reply to emails and messages when you read them. 99% of the time, days and weeks will go by if you tell yourself that you’ll reply later on… ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
- Be honest about your limitations and own your shit. Most people have no idea how much adhd affects so many things and therefore can’t understand our inability to do basic things at times. Especially if you come across as smart and creative, they can misplace our struggles for laziness and lack of care. If you fuck up own it, explain why and apologise. It doesn’t have to be long winded but it is important to state how you aim to rectify the situation and again. ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
- Stop comparing your output and motivation to others and embrace a slower, more considered, creative one. You are not other people. You are you. Trying to jam your freeform, 12 sided shape into the round hole is painful and won’t work. You don’t need a hole, you need self acceptance. ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
🌟 My Favourite: Learn to say no to taking on things that you know may cause you stress and excess pressure just because it’s money. It is not worth it, just put the boundaries that will save your mental health in the first place and you won’t have to deal with the fallout later. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. ~ (u/Somewhereonabike)
God yes… ADHD people have a dangerous habit of overcommitting to stuff. Personally I think I just forget that I’m already working on X, Y and Z. Sustainability is important - don’t overcommit.
- Use Active Recall + Spaced Repetition to study for all your exams. I've seen countless people go from C's to straight A's after adopting them ~ (u/beatadhd)
- If you're finding it difficult to start assignments early then ONLY read + annotate the assignment brief early and go take a break after that. Your subconscious should process the information and it'll be easier to start later on. ~ (u/beatadhd)
- It’s better to turn in an assignment that is 75% done. It’ll drag your grades down less than if you never turned it in ~ (u/bitetheboxer)
- Print out lectures and powerpoints in advance (ask the teacher for them). That way you won’t need to listen and write at the same time. You can annotate the printed versions instead. ~ (u/strngrsstpngstngrs)
🌟 My Favourite: Visit your school's inclusivity and disability team. They will hopefully have policies for helping people with ADHD ~ (u/beatadhd)
This is something I never took advantage of while at University, but I probably should have. A few assignment extensions when my meds stopped working would have saved me from countless all nighters…
- Setup a morning routine + a reset routine. A reset routine is something you do when you're feeling super unfocused. Mine consists of meditation, exercise, journaling, playing music and making some tea. ~ (u/beatadhd)
- If it takes less than ten minutes to do the task, just do it immediately. ~ (u/Zzazu)
- Have a uniform for work, social and casual scenarios. Don’t mix your work clothes with your casual clothes. ~ (u/3GrilledJalapenos)
- If you start to feel frustrated for no reason, eat something and keep yourself hydrated. (Self-care flowchart) ~ (u/enjakuro)
- it’s better to half-ass most things than it is to not do them at all. ~ (u/coffeclichehere)
- Set alarms using music rather than the default alarm sounds. It’ll help you get going. (And music releases norepinephrine in your brain!) ~ (u/redditraptor6)
- Make yourself kits for common repeated household tasks. e.g: Cleaning Kit, Package mailing kit… Reduces the friction needed to get started on a task ~ (u/sonjavalentine)
- Refine your routine and rituals to reduce the overall time it takes to get them ready. Reduce the friction needed to start your morning routine. e.g: Prepare a filled pot of coffee the night before. ~ (u/lazyoracle)
- Set just a few non-negotiable standards and laws for yourself. Pick those that improve your life the most. e.g: No phone in bed at night or in the morning. Not even a quick email check. And read your goals every morning. ~ (u/AllsFarrin)
- When you’re trying to get started on a task: Write down the steps you’ve already done and the steps you plan to do next. Helps a lot with spaghetti thoughts ~ (u/qui_gone_Gym)
- Drink a big glass of water when you know you are going to have to start doing a thing in a bit. When you inevitably have to go pee, start after you wash your hands. You are already up and your brain already had to switch gears. Use it as momentum. ~ (u/percyjeandavenger)
🌟 My Favourite: On tough days. Use the 1-thing theory. Just try and accomplish just one-thing for that day. e.g. Clean the kitchen. ~ (u/soggysocks63, u/GoodGuyVik)
A bit less life-hacky compared to the others but I’ve found that getting started is a lot easier when you only have a single priority.
- If you are Vitamin D deficient then take Vitamin D supplements (see a doctor first). It’ll help your mood and energy levels. ~ (u/ImprovedMeyerLemon)
- Eat lots of protein and stay hydrated. ~ (u/chlordane_zero)
- Figure out if you're deficient in anything and try fix those things. This includes getting a food allergy test, figuring out deficiencies and eating a healthy diet. ~ (u/beatadhd)
🌟 My Favourite: Use a 7-day pill organiser with AM/PM slots and put your medication and supplements there. ~ (u/ImprovedMeyerLemon)
I know a lot of people have issues with remembering if they took their medication. This is an easy, simple and cheap fix.
submitted by beatadhd