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Meet the MassMurderhobo! – An AD&D First Edition Nightmare (Part 1 of ?)

Hi, all! New to the sub, but not to TTRPGs. Thanks to CritCrab’s YT channel for guiding me here.
For today’s gaming atrocity, we need to go back nearly four decades to the heady days of Advanced D&D First Edition (and just typing that makes me feel effing ancient). It was a fabled time, when terms like “murderhobo”, “neckbeard”, “edgelord”, and “weeb” did not exist. No social media, no online forums, no discord servers—and, oh yeah, no internet! An age where if you wanted to deal with psychotic DMs and dysfunctional players, you had to do it up close and personal.
But first, let me introduce you to my own nightmare player as DM: a guy I’ll refer to as MassMurderhobo, or MM for short. Here’s a few recurring traits that will clue you in to MM’s playing “philosophy”:
  • Thinks nothing of killing slaves or torturing prisoners
  • Ran all his PCs as Chaotic Neutral/Evil, alignment on his character sheet be damned
  • Hoards magic items he can’t even use due to class restrictions
  • Squirrels treasure away behind party's back
  • Whenever possible, sits in a corner with his back to the wall
  • Prone to betray the party and/or derail the campaign at the drop of a hat, usually for profit
  • Engage in die roll fudging and other forms of sneaky asshattery
Now, to the incident that gave this player his oh-so-deserved moniker…
MM was playing a Barbarian in a party of six or seven. The only other PC relevant to this story is a Druid run by a guy I’ll call BC. BC was MM’s on-again, off-again partner in roleplaying crime, and on this day, he was definitely “on”. (A pity; outside of MM’s corrupting influence, BC was an occasionally erratic but otherwise solid gamer and reliable team player for the party.)
The party was hired as extra security for a merchant caravan traveling through a treacherous mountain pass. Some points on the trail were prone to bandit raids, while others were dangerously narrow, with cliffs of varying steepness above and below the road. The merchants bargained in good faith and paid well. MM and BC would take point as scouts, while the caravan traveled in two small groups. The rest of the party was attached to the rear group, as it carried the more expensive trade goods.
And here is where it went south.
MM and BC took point as planned, and for a while, they actually did their job. But when they reached a stretch with relatively shallow rockfaces on both sides of the trail, MM got the idea of scrabbling up the rockface and, with BC’s help, rigging a rockslide. The lead group of wagons came by, and the trap was sprung. I rolled random for effectiveness, and rolled high. The rockslide took out the entire group, crushing men and horses, splintering wagons, and spilling trade goods everywhere. MM and BC then coldly finished off anyone still alive, and made off with whatever small items they could carry (coin and gems, mostly). The dastardly duo then used BC’s Druid skills to cut cross-county to the caravan’s destination.
The rest of the party, unfortunately, were held up by a bandit attack on the rear group, and had to assist with repairs on the wagons and tending the wounded before moving on. The PCs eventually discover the carnage, but as DM, I made damn sure to give them clues as to what really happened: The party Thief made a careful examination of the bodies—and noticed that some of the teamsters’ wounds were (1) NOT coated in a thick layer of rock dust and (2) were way too clean and neat to be caused by rock or wood. No purses on the dead, either. And NO sign of MM or BC, dead or alive.
Now, before you ask, let me clarify my DMing philosophy. I’m extremely hesitant to outright ban such in-game asshattery, but I’m also one to make sure it is NOT rewarded. My players are all too aware of this fact, and this particular gaming group was all too familiar with MM’s nasty habits. The other players were confident that, at the appropriate in-game moment, I’d drop the hammer. Unfortunately, I can’t share how I resolved this mass murder; this incident was played out at least 35 years ago, at a time where I didn’t keep permanent records (much to my chagrin).
Thanks for staying with me! If you’d like other tales of MM’s crimes against gaming, please let me know in the comments or send a private message.
TL/DR: Murderhobo and PC accomplice set off a lethal rockslide on a caravan, killing dozens. Slay half-dead survivors, loot corpses, and escape.
submitted by R_Dorothy_Wayneright to dndhorrorstories


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