So...been a while.
So, I know I said last episode I don’t want to spend time rewriting old episodes. But I tried writing this but it was too confusing, I was making too many edits. I had recently read the lore of season 4, and leaned the entire season was building to season 5. But when I started this I was doing it as a fresh new start, where everything else prior was irrelevant. But I was still trying to tie up loose ends. It was all too confusing and I’m sorry, so I’ve gone back and edited every single episode to fit the narrative Season 4 set. Now I’m not asking you to read 10 episodes just to be up to date, that’s ridiculous. I’ve instead made a TL;DR for each episode, where I try and summarise each episode so you can catch the gist, but if you really want you can reread. I’m sorry for this inconvenience but I felt it necessary to continue this. With that being said... Welcome to The Temple! Vipress, Puma King and Dario Cueto meeting:
The show starts with the Aztec warriors in their underground bunker. This is where they met at the end of Season 4, with a vague bit of light shining through the ceiling to hit the floor. Dario Cueto sits down in a standard foldable chair, unusual to his usual padded one + fancy desk. He gets out immediately, subtly saying he is too good for that as soon as Puma King enters. He shakes his hand, and then kisses Vipress’. she raises her eyebrows after a glance and asks Dario why El Dragon Azteca Jr. isn’t here like promised. “Well he couldn’t make it, but I’m here as we’ve yet to meet.” Vipress doesn’t look too pleased. Dario offers a seat but she denies. Puma takes it instead. Dario then quickly introduces himself, finishing off with “but of course you know that.” “El Dragon Azteca Jr. is a good man, but amongst the Aztec warriors we’ve had a bit of turbulence. That’s why Dario is here, as the dog...and not the owner...” Dario takes a moment to think how he got here, but snaps out and says that EDA wants to know of their pasts and Aztec history.
Puma King simply states he’s a warrior here to do what he does, defend his people. Him alongside his other warriors of the Jaguar Tribe have always been the most athletic of the Aztec people, so a fight club is perfect for them. Puma King then gets out the chair and looks through the small crack in the ceiling of their underground bunker, up into the sky, and says he wishes to return home one day, away from war and this life. This is all he knows, but perhaps there’s more than violence and war. Dario says he understands a life of violence, and that he hopes for the best in his future. But for now, this is where he is.
Vipress then chimes in. The Reptile Tribe have always been respected. They made themselves royalty amongst the people through their natural cunning and pride. She was just a girl, thousands of years ago. Not heir to the crown of “Kobra”, far from it. Time passed however, and she grew into the woman she is. Thousands of years ago too though, she stopped growing, as if something needed to be done before she could continue. That was to become Kobra. With the society dead, the world needed that female leader. When she arrived, she saw people who were representing her tribe, the same traits and personality, but nowhere near the prowess. She wasn’t born into it, she made herself it, just like her tribe originally. Cueto admires her drive and says that she should meet Black Lotus, they’d suit each other according to him. Cueto thanks them for the time. “You’ll go far, both of you.” he says. Mercer, Hero of Mexico and El Dragon Azteca Jr. vs. Worldwide Underground - Trios Match
In the opening recap of the show (I don’t include these in the bookings because it’s just writing down what happened recently, and I do a TL;DR at the end of every episode so I don’t feel the need to recap it twice.) we see the segment of The Lord agreeing to give Mercer an opportunity. But the conditions were made clear, Mercer had no control over who is opponents or partners would be. Then in the segment before the match after the ad break, The Lord is seen handing over a wad of cash to another person’s hand, and after a camera cut is revealed as Gringo Loco. He takes the money and walks off with his crew of 4 or 6 guys/gals. They then make their entrance all together, addressed as “Worldwide Underground”. Gringo Loco is at the helm with Diamanté and KC Navarro too, but they’re joined by a different 3, two guys in leather jackets and shorts, and one girl with a bandana, leather jacket and leather pants. Gringo Loco has his tights and a denim jacket with the American flag across the back, but instead of oozing a “cool” persona like his gang, he’s more of an odd one out as he laughs and runs his mouth, with his ginger hair, shades and bandana looking more comical than cool. That is by design however. The crazy foreigner (that’s what “Gringo Loco” means in English) then runs his mouth but is cut off by the beginning of Mercer’s themes
heart pounding opening. He walks out to the stage as the angelic cries sound. He then walks down and owns The Temple, everyone in awe at his presence. His mystery partners then come out, chosen by The Order. Now, we know that Mercer is a part of the Aztec ancestors, and The Order aren’t too fond of them. So, Mercer signed a deal that probably would end in chaos but hey, doesn’t everything in Lucha Underground?
His partners are that of El Dragon Azteca Jr. and Hero of Mexico. That isn’t too bad, right? EDA brought him to The Temple after all, and they’re both Aztec ancestors. Thing is though, Salina de la Renta last week tried to drive a wedge between these two men as she directly told EDA that Hero of Mexico is better than him and he’ll do the Aztec warriors more proud - oof. They come out and seem to have a mutual sign of respect, but we don’t know if that’ll last. Mercer starts off and undresses from his robe, as Gringo Loco continues to trash talk. Mercer then power walks up and offers him his hand, which Gringo takes but then Mercer immediately pulls him in, and Gorilla Presses him into the Gringo Loco’s gang! He then looks out with a tiny grin. He signals for Hero of Mexico to come in, which he obliges to, and Tope’s himself over the top rope into the gang. They catch him to break the fall as per usual, and he slides across their hands so he lands on his feet and then runs up the steps to pump the crowd up. Him and Mercer point at each other from the distance, and then Hero retreats back. Gringo Loco then enters in and slaps Mercer. He gives him a Headbutt and runs the ropes. He tries to collide a Shoulder Block, but Mercer holds his ground. Gringo Loco then kicks him in the gut and hits the Shoulder Block proper. He wipes his mouth and goes back to taunting. He throws Mercer outside where Diamanté and KC Navarro hit double Superkicks to his head. The whole gang then hold him in place for a Suicide Dive!
Gringo Loco then mocks Hero’s taunting atop the stairs, just this time air humping. He then goes back down into the ring where Hero tries to slingshot over, but EDA says he’ll handle business. Gringo is fine with this, and slaps EDA nonetheless. EDA then hits a Handspring Enziguri to Gringo and follows with a Slingshot Leg Drop! He sends him packing outside in a double-team with Mercer, as he Dropkicks him out, Mercer catches, and hits a Michinoku Driver on the outside! KC Navarro then tries to Suplex EDA out onto Mercer, but Mercer grabs him by the legs. He only lifts him onto the apron. KC Navarro then Moonsaults off his shoulders onto Mercer! His gang catch him from falling on the floor. They then separate to surround the ring. Diamanté comes in and awaits El Dragon Azteca Jr, but he’s prepared for her as he ducks a kick and grabs her by the neck. He then jumps off the apron so her neck hits off the ropes. He rolls back in and continues on. He hits a combo of kicks followed with a chop, and then goes for the Tornado Dragon, but Diamanté catches into a Suplex! She then hits a Big Boot to the head of the bent over EDA, who follows into a sitting position, and she hits a Dropkick to him there. She connects the Rolling Cutter and pins, but Hero of Mexico breaks it up. EDA then jumps out the ring onto KC with a Tope Con Hilo over the ring post!
Hero and Diamanté then go high speed. Hero immediately hits a Frankensteiner and pins but Diamanté gets out. Diamanté then runs at him but Hero arm drags, which she counters into a float over pin which Hero gets out of and hits a Roundhouse Kick, followed with a Springboard Head Scissors into the ropes, followed with a Tiger Feint Kick. He goes for a dive then, but he’s pulled out by Gringo Loco and hit with an elbow. EDA and Gringo Loco then both elbow each other, and EDA hits a Hanging Soccer Kick using the apron. Mercer then comes in and counters a Crossbody from Diamanté into a Moonsault and Battery! He tries to cover, but Hero of Mexico comes in and says he’ll finish the job. Mercer leaves, and Hero goes to hit a 630 Senton, and he does so, but he stands up afterwards, and is then rolled up by Diamanté! 1.......2.....3!!!!! The Aztec warriors lose to The Order’s hired gun off a mistake Hero of Mexico made, a man who was deemed to be better than their leader, El Dragón Azteca Jr. EDA looks at Hero with just sheer disappointed, as we cut away. Marty The Moth Martinez promo:
The man on top of the Lucha Underground world at the moment is Marty The Moth. He recently was gifted the Gauntlet of the Gods by The Lord and his ego starts to inflate more than the Zimbabwe economy. His advances on Salina de la Renta are deeply unsettling, with Salina expressing her concern to The Lord that Marty is a dangerous man despite how he can appear normal. Its brushed off though and now Salina’s future in The Order is looking doubtful. Marty is seen in the bathroom with a picture of Salina, crumpled up and by the looks of it…potentially stained. He admires it and starts to laugh maniacally at the thought of her being his. He then starts to talk to the camera, speaking directly to Salina. Marty is a stalker, pretty obvious, but a stalker works in different ways. The most common type of stalker is one looking for power and control over another, which is something that Marty now has an infinite supply of (in his mind) and he thinks he can have anything and everything. He wants Salina for the power and the feeling that would give him. To show off this control over his narrative he has, he mentions how he has killed all those who stepped in his way. Previously Melissa Santos was the girl of his dreams, but she was a selfish bitch who ran away. He then eliminated one less wicked person from this world. And then Pentagon Jr. tried to take away all he cared about, the Lucha Underground Championship, but he was unsuccessful. Then Marty made sure he could never step up to him again. He says that after he wins the Lucha Underground Championship once again tonight and takes back what is rightfully his, he will have everything. And if Salina doesn’t want him, well that’s too bad. She will be his no matter what on earth will stop him. The Mack, Dante Fox and Dezmond X vs. The Black Lotus Triad - Trios Cup Semi-Final Match
To refresh each member of The Black Lotus Triad: Miho (Tam Nakano), Oyuki (Hana Kimura) and Yagyu (Arisa Hoshiki). When we return from commercial Matt Striker and Vampiro are in the middle of a recap, when they’re cut off by the audience’s attention all shifting to Black Lotus perched up high in The Temple. Vampiro makes the obligatory “she is so hot, Matt” comment, before she clicks her fingers. She hops over the guardrail and stands atop the office, and looks down at the entrance way. This is when Miho, Oyuki and Yagyu
all come out. Black leather pants, black brassieres, we have the three very different women all connected by one trait and one cause. Small but fiery Miho, charismatic but vicious Oyuki, and the terrifyingly dangerous Yagyu – built on nothing but anger, bloodied opponents and broken arms. They all stand in the ring as their master looks down from atop their enemies office, before she storms off through the shadows. You need to be tough to match a scary group of people, fearless, and a bit reckless. Dante Fox, The Mack and Dezmond X all meet these criteria. They climb down the stairs as the Black Lotus Triad realise they’ve met their match. Win and they can hold the Trios gold, but they must over come this opposing triad first. Dezmond X volunteers to enter first, meanwhile Miho does too. Dezmond offers a handshake which Miho accepts, and this establishes the face vs. face dynamic. Dezmond then turns around to murmer a plan, but not before he’s Germaned by Miho!!
Miho stomps on Dezmond X and takes him to the corner. She stomps and stomps down, and then runs from one corner to the other for a Kitchen Sink! She bangs the side of her knee into his head over and over, really showing their aggression. Dezmond then slides under a stomp and hits an Arm Drag. This is when the even action begins. Miho runs for him but he tosses her into the ropes. She rebounds and slides under a leapfrog, then hits the Twilight Dream! 1……2…..Kick Out!! Dezmond rolls out and then Willie Mack comes in, but he’s immediately hit with a 1399!! She tries a Tiger Suplex, but The Mack lifts her into a Samoan Drop followed by a Standing Shooting Star Press! Commentary hype up how this would crush Tam, having a man well over twice her weight jump on her. Tam then rolls out, and this is when Oyuki confidentially sets up to the plate. She looks Mack up and down, then ducks a Clothesline which makes him run into Yagyu – who decimates him with an elbow. Oyuki then hits two consecutive big boots, and when she runs back for a third, she instead hits a picture-perfect dropkick to Dante Fox! Dezmond X and Dante Fox are both now on the outside. Oyuki calls in the others of the Black Lotus Triad to come in the ring and take on The Mack. Oyuki and Miho both Irish whip The Mack into Yagyu, WHO LIFTS HIM UP AND DUMPS HIM OUTSIDE!! Mack sentons himself into his trio mates as the crowd explode for Yagyu.
The Black Lotus Triad take in the crowd until their opposition get up and are ready for a fight. All six are in the ring and each person has another from the other trio fighting them. Dezmond X flips out of a Brainbuster and hits a Pele Kick, but then is hit with a Package Piledriver by Oyuki! Oyuki is then hit with a ARKO from Fox! He goes for a Foxcatcher to Miho, who lands out and hits a double suplex with Yagyu. Miho is then taken out with a Pounce from The Mack, and then its him and Yagyu. The crowd get off their feet at this encounter, just like they did when Yagyu came face to face with The White Rabbit. Yagyu then hammers with elbow and elbow and elbow, taking The Mack to the mat as the believers unload every ounce of applause for her. She then gets up and lets out a primal scream, WHEN SHES HIT FROM OUTTA NOWHERE WITH A FINAL FLASH FROM DEZMOND X!! He then sees Oyuki on the apron and hits the X-19! Him and Mack double team with an Alley Oop + Kotaro Krusher combo!! 1…….2……3!!!! THE FINALS ARE CONFIRMED!!! They all celebrate together as they are destined for the finals. The girls walk off in defeat to a big ovation, and each of the victors bow for their good fight. The Reptile Tribe then come out, with Vipress leading the way. She declares that this occasion is suited for one match. The finals of a tournament based on teamwork, adaption, and violence. They will fight…IN A LLLLLLLLLAAAAAADDDDDDEEEEEERRRRR MAAAAAAAATTCHHHH!! The Gift of the Gods, Rush:
When we return from commercial break, we get a quick recap of Rush winning the Gift of the Gods Championship and some big moments from that match: Dark Magic diving off the office roof, the announce table spot, and rapid fire clips of each successful pinfall until the final one, and lastly Marty coming out. Rush walks out in a clean white suit and his famed bull mask, with the sleek title wrapped around his waist. He pulls off the mask to reveal his snarling face with a wide grin plastered across. He is handed a mic, but pulls his hand away and places it to his eye in a magnifying glass shape to look at the ceiling. He then snatches the microphone and shouts out that he is “EL........IDOLO!!!!!!” He cuts a quick promo in Spanish where he says “I have reached the top...and even though I did it in an ugly fashion...I still have been chosen by the gods to be the face of Lucha Underground!” He rises his arm to the rooftops when the camera then sees a man behind him...ITS OCTANE! Octane stands behind him on crutches with a microphone. “Hijo de Puta... (motherfucker)”. OCTANE KICKS HIM IN THE INGOBERNABLES! Octane tries to use one of the crutches to batter him more, but he can’t do it and has to regain his stance in the corner. Rush then gets up and sprints at him with a Dropkick! He does a “Con-crutch-to” where he smashes Octane in the head with one of his crutches while his head is lying on the other crutch. Rush then crouches down and holds the Gift of the Gods Championship above Octane’s prone body. Bandido (c) vs. Marty The Moth vs. The White Rabbit vs. ??? - Lucha Underground Championship
After The White Rabbit and Marty The Moth’s non-finish last week, The Lord would make a promise to the dissatisfied believers - next week they will both face off against Bandido in a Lucha Underground Championship match, in a Four-way. The fourth man will be revealed when the match happens. Bandido enters first despite being champion, The Lord subtly throwing shade his way. The White Rabbit and Marty are both The Order’s boys and so get all the pomp and ceremony for their entrances. The mystery man then walks through the curtain with a full black bodysuit concealing him. He power walks through the believers to the top of the stair way, where he tears away the bodysuit to reveal...DRAGO!!!! The dragon man receives a loud pop for his reveal out of shock. The Lord really booked one of the preliminary Aztec warriors to get a Lucha Underground Championship match, for no reason? Drago is here however, black tongue hanging from his mouth and blue scales covering his body. His pupils stare daggers through the hard camera as they do the other match participants. They all stare at each other as Shaul Guerrero runs down that it is a Lucha Underground Championship match. Marty can’t wait and goes on an early Superkick Party, throwing one at every enemy.
Bandido ducks his one and hits three Superkicks in a row. The first knocks him back, the second makes him fall into the ropes. The third then knocks him out the ring. He runs the ropes and goes to dive but The White Rabbit gets in his way. Bandido then jumps over him instead to Marty. He soaks in the crowd response and scales the ropes to jump back in. The White Rabbit catches him on the fall but drops him when Drago kicks him in the midsection. The White Rabbit then does a double clothesline! He poses in the middle of the ring with all the other competitors around him laid out. Drago rolls out and fights with Marty on the outside. Drago tries to throw him into the office wall, but Marty reverses and throws him in! Drago then lays out in front of the door. The Lord peeps through and smiles, before closing. Marty resumes his business where he stares at The White Rabbit. They tease a fight, but they instead double team Bandido. They beat down on him for a minute or so. The White Rabbit goes for a Superplex, but Bandido counters into a Blockbuster! Marty then is hit with a Dropkick after Bandido jumps off The White Rabbit’s back! He heads out to Drago and throws him into the door, knocking it open. They fight in there, meanwhile Marty sets up some tables on the outside.
Bandido throws Drago back out the office after they fight in there. Drago drags himself into the ring and takes a breather on the ropes. No time for that though as Bandido comes in with a 21-Plex! Marty rushes at him, POP-UP CUTTER! Finger gun...pow. All that’s left is The White Rabbit. He pushes a ladder into the ring and sets it up, beside the tables on the outside. Bandido bangs his head off the side of the steel. The White Rabbit makes Irish whips him and Bandido rebounds off the ropes, heading for him. He tries to throw him over his head through the ladder, sending him through the tables, but Bandido dropkicks him into the ladder! He falls back and rebounds, only to be hit with a Pumphandle Slam! Bandido can’t quite make the cover. The White Rabbit repositions the ladder and grabs the rungs to pull himself back up. Bandido then climbs up after him and they fight on the top. Marty runs in to try and push it down, but Bandido jumps off in the nick of time! THE WHITE RABBIT CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLES!!! Marty looks in shock at what he just did. He goes back out to check on him. Bandido then pulls Drago into the ring and hits a Front Flip DDT! 1..........2.......3!!!! BANDIDO RETAINS HIS LUCHA UNDERGROUND CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Afterwards Salina walks out to look on in disapproval. She shakes her head, but sees Marty and runs off. “The Moth” chases after her. Marty and Salina confrontation:
Everyone thinks the show has ended, but after the main event we see Marty Martinez and Salina de la Renta outside the temple. Marty is trying to get intimate but Salina refuses. Marty demands she oblige and reminds her of how powerful she is. He has the gauntlet of the gods so he can do whatever he wants. Salina then slaps him and runs off into the night.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
I understand now what my mum meant when she said "You've never had an older brother. Not in this lifetime anyway".
Two nights ago I found a new category on Netflix called "Adventure/Intrigue" containing a creepy new show which appeared to be one of those old text-based adventure games from the early 90s. This show appeared to know everything about me with stalker-like accuracy. Last night a strange girl appeared in my flat - some vacuous influencer making a show. Despite only 3 minutes passing, I had somehow broadcasted 4 videos of weird content to YouTube. Different friends saw different videos, one of which led to me being fired from my job. I've always known the console I use to watch Netflix was handed down to me by my older brother - whom I have vivid memories from throughout my childhood. My world was shattered when it was revealed to me earlier today that I'm an only child - I have no older brother, he was aborted when my parents fell pregnant underage at 15 and sought help from an 80 year old illegal abortionist called One-armed Nell who it's now clear didn't quite finish the job off as punishment for my parents not having the money to pay her.
What a trip, hey?! If only this WAS a Netflix show, but no, it's my life and it's ruined.
After their revelations earlier today my parents were intrigued about what I'd seen and what had led me to call them. I spent over an hour telling them everything. How I'd got fired, how my bank account has been drained and how the game presented me with two options:
"Say 1 to Exit the game now and start to rebuild your life and career from scratch.
Say 2 to continue the next level tomorrow night and erase the damage of the past 2 nights".
My mum suggested smashing the old PS3 console to pieces - but that would leave my personal life in tatters as it was currently.
My dad suggested riding out the next level with them there for support. "It can all be undone if we work together" he said.
We loaded up Netflix and again, the programme loaded immediately as it had done earlier. No menu screen - straight to the chase. Static screen, blocky 80s VHS text "Loading Next Tape 2.4".
The familiar voice made itself known.
"Voice mode activated. Welcome to our new playable characters Mum and Dad!"
My heart plummeted. I'd inadvertently introduced my parents into this sick game.
"We start tonight's level with an audio clip".
We waited. A minute passed ... A long minute with the air full of anticipation.
My Alexa - unplugged after the deafening music played over the past two nights - began playing the sound of a little boy crying. I'm in no way maternal but my heart was breaking and my stomach in knots. We listened.
"Ow! No! Stop it mummy it hurts. You're hurting me mummy pleeeeassse!!!" I glanced at my mum. Her mouth dropped open like a drawbridge and horror filled her wet eyes. "Daddy tell mummy to stop it. Ow! Ow mummy my legs are hurting, Daddy PLEASE STOP! Naughty mummy. Naughty, naughty mummy. No!!"
It worked the past two nights so I tried it again and screamed "STOP!" At the top of my lungs. Blissful silence. My parents looked disgusted and horrified. My mother almost hyperventilating, seemingly paralysed with shock.
The voice returned along with a line of text on the TV screen.
"Dad you said you never believed in 'paranormal silliness'. Oh dear, oh dear Peter, you're about to believe".
Silence. We waited.
"Rebecca, in order to complete the game and erase the damage of the past two nights, please select which parent you'd like to abort".
I laughed. I laughed because surely I can't be made to make such a decision. My laugh was erased as I realised this was serious.
"Stop this! You can't make me choose something like that for a stupid game!"
"THIS IS NOT A STUPID GAME!" the calming BBC shipping forecast voice raised itself for the first time. It continued:
"If you don't choose the computer will select for you".
I panicked - I tried the Pause Game command again but was informed that function was now disabled.
With a violent jerk, my mother to my left grabbed her chest and wheezed a long, slow agonising wheeze. My eyes filled with tears. Dad panicked "Angela? Angie darling. Angie please" he rushed to her as she gasped for breath.
"I ....... Can't breathe!" She wheezed.
"CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Dad bellowed at me "CALL IT NOW!"
I dialled 999 - "yes ambulance immediately - my mum - she is having a heart attack!" I barked my address down the phone and panic ensued as we waited for the paramedics to arrive.
Amidst the panic, the game continued. Cheesy, showbiz game show music blasted through the Alexa at deafening volume against the backdrop of my mother gasping her last breaths and my dad and I helpless, simply kneeling next to her waiting for help to arrive. The voice of the game returned:
"CONGRATULATIONS! You've lost a life and completed the game! The events of the past two nights have been deleted. Check your online bank account! Go back to work as normal tomorrow! Everything's just as it was - but only if you agree to star in Season 2!" I've lost my mum and that guilt is something I need to live with for the rest of my life. My life got back to normal but at a cost. My teenage mother aborted her unborn son and he aborted her as revenge.
Life is going well now. I got a promotion in work and bought my own flat. My dad visits every weekend and there have been no more creepy interactions with my aborted older brother. That is only because I have part of an agreement to uphold - for my life to remain normal, I need to ruin someone else's.
Kiss Chase: Season 2 Trailer: Back after it's mind-blowing first season it's Kiss Chase! Anyone can be the victim, anyone can be the star of the show, anyone in the world!
I sit in a dark room with a green screen behind me and a camera in front of me.
There's a live counter on a monitor to my left showing me how many millions of people worldwide are getting ready to watch.
Here comes Jessica from a small town in Mid West America.
I've got all my notes on her. Her banking details, her passwords, her social media accounts including her secret Twitter account she uses for trolling pretty celebrities. She cheated her way into University and I have solid proof that this information will jeopardise her lucrative graduate job offer. I know she sells nudes online to creepy old men for extra cash. Unfortunately for Jessica her boyfriend and family don't.
Get ready for broadcast in 3, 2, 1 ...