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Okay so, you guys have heard of Udley, right?
It’s an app that advertises itself as the world’s best delivery service, where u sers can place an order on the app and all nearby Udleys will be notified of the order via a push notification if they can fill it.
It’s proved to pretty goddamn useful to me and my roommate, especially recently, for all the obvious reasons.
But last night, we were pretty bored, messing around with the app and seeing what ridiculous things we could have delivered to our apartment.
We started out pretty innocent, asking Udleys to deliver us anything from “a brick from the Lost City of Atlantis” to “evidence of existence of extra-terrestrials”, you know, just dumb stuff like that.
But then my roommate took my phone off of me, and giggled fiendishly as he plugged something into the delivery request bar. I demanded to know what he’d asked for to make him laugh like that, and when she showed me, I’ll admit I laughed.
It was messed up, but we have kind of a dark sense of humour, so I did think it was genuinely funny when he apparently asked all available delivery drivers for “a dead cat”.
Just like the other orders, no one picked up the request, and nor did we expect any to do so.
But we had gotten bored of acting dumb and annoying the drivers with our requests, so we instead took the time to place an order for Jerk Chicken before I put my phone down and waited for the request to be accepted.
My phone chimed about ten minutes later, so I grabbed it to confirm the order. But the notification wasn’t for our chicken, and what I saw made my heart race with pure dread.
It was a driver with a blank display picture, whose username was just a long string of letters and numbers, who had accepted our request for a dead cat with a return message of “ASAP”.
It had to be a joke. It had to be. But still I cancelled the order, with a mild appreciation that someone out there shared our sick sense of humour. However that feeling of dread didn’t abate, and I wondered if there really was someone out there who was fucked up enough to actually deliver a dead cat to us.
Anyway, our doorbell rings like an hour later, and my roommate gets up to collect our Jerk Chicken.
He’s gone for like a minute when I hear him screaming “what the fuck?!” from down the hall. I ran out of our apartment and down the hall, seeing him gagging as a bloody paper bag sat on our doorstep. When I looked inside, it was a mess of fur and guts.
The phantom delivery driver had
actually delivered us a dead cat.
I was shaken to the core. But what else could I do other than just pick the bloody bag up and throw it in the trash? We thought about calling the cops, or complaining to Udley that they had an absolute psycho working for them, but we couldn’t find the driver’s profile when we searched again. It was like he’d just disappeared, or like he hadn’t ever existed in the first place.
I felt awful about the whole thing, and barely slept last night when I realized exactly what we’d done, how a harmless prank had resulted in the death of some poor, helpless kitty.
But that feeling paled in comparison when I got a call from my girlfriend just a few hours ago. She asked me if I was free to help her with something this morning, and naturally I told her yes. But then she told me what it is.
She wanted me to put up some missing posters for her cat, Bruce, who she hadn’t seen all morning. She sounded devastated, and I am too, because I know it’s all my fault.
Because with the Udely app, you really
can get
anything delivered,
no matter how fucked up your order is.
