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In response to u/Britannic45 's post https://www.reddit.com/r/Brawlhalla/comments/jvg2sn/oh_youre_a_sig_spammer/

i actually put comments on his post but im guessing no one's gonna find it.... so...
Creators: terraryanus, K4L3V1P03G, happyboycory
There Will Be Some Gaming/Anime References So If You Don’t Understand Something Search It Up
Also If You Are A 9 yr Old Reading This, I Recommend You Might Not Want To Read It, Because There Are Some Weird References
List of legends including a name for each of their sigs and the bot name in order of lobby
Bodvar - 🐻 + 🛡 + ⚔️ - I Am The Bear-Viking - Botvar
  • Hammer
    • SS - Mean Green Streak of Hammer
    • DS - BallGrabber
    • NS - ROAR!
  • Sword
    • SS - Run, Stab
    • DS - Dabbing and Stabbing in 2020
    • NS - Jump, Stab
Cassidy - 🤠 - Thor’s Hammer Summons Lightning. Mine? Sand. - Cassibot
  • Hammer
    • SS - Sand Swipe
    • DS - iMa PuT sOmE sAnD iN yOuR eYe
    • NS - Ropeo Rodeo
  • Blasters
    • SS - Not Only Do I Hit You Once, I Hit You Twice
    • DS -Blaster Aviation, aka Shooting At The Floor
Orion - Ⓧ + 🤖 - I Look Like A Wheelchair? How Is That Even Possible? - Orbot
  • Spear
    • SS - FAST AS FUC BOI *zoom*
    • DS - Circular Spinny Thingy
    • NS - Blue Guillotine
  • Lance
    • SS - Another Day, Another Nerf
    • DS - Caerulean Lasers
    • NS - Big Blue Blast
Lord Vraxx - 👽 - I’m An Alien With 2 Eyes. Woah. (No He Really Doesn’t But His Eyebrow Go WONK) - Robraxx
  • Lance
    • SS - Mean Green Streak Of Spiralled Lance
    • DS - Reverse Slingshot
    • NS - You Got Stuck In A Laser
  • Blasters
    • SS - Remember When Blaster Side Sigs Had Range
    • DS - Edgeguard go BRRRRR
    • NS - WiFi
Gnash - 🦁 + 👨🏼- Call Me… Rock-Smasher - Gnashomaton
  • Spear
    • SS - Fiery Piercer
    • DS - It Doesn’t Cover As Much Range As You Think
    • NS - DodgeRead.exe
  • Hammer
    • SS - Bright Orange Hammer Swing
    • DS - HM06 Rock Smash
    • NS - Flaming Spike
Queen Nai - 🐯 + 😈 - Purple Jaguars Go Roar - Naiborg
  • Spear
    • SS - Few Smol Jaguars
    • DS - True_Form Activated
    • NS - Couple Smol Jaguars
  • Katars
    • SS - Violet Wheelchair Wings
    • DS - Purple Aura of Doom-ish
    • NS - Floral Jaguar
Hattori - 😈 + 👰🏻 - I Am Gud Wife - Bottori
  • Spear
    • SS - “The Kick Is Stronger Than The Spear” - Bottori
    • DS - Caecilius Is No Longer In The Horto
    • NS - I Smashed The Like Button
  • Sword
    • SS - Slish Slash Backslash
    • DS - Don’t Forget to UPVOTE This Post So That Useless DS around the Globe Feel Good
    • NS - Smoking Slash (Spike?)
Sir Roland - - Remember When I Wasn’t Wearing Armor - Sir Rolbot
  • Lance
    • SS - Bet You Didn’t See ThAt CoMiNg (Quite Literally, You Can’t Tell If He’s Doing Slight or SSig)
    • DS - BMG has a shadow obsession
    • NS - Big-a** horse-shadow (is that a thing)
  • Sword
    • SS - Range? Ha. Good One.
    • DS - Sword Eruption (But It’s Up Your A**)
    • NS - HoMe RuN!
Scarlet - 💨 + 👩🏻‍🦰 - I’m STEAM Powered. Hehe - Scarbot
  • Lance
    • SS - “Lance Raider” - In Box Offices Soon!
    • DS - Time to Smork - engrish
    • NS - High As The Heavens (Get It? Smoke = High) HA.
  • Hammer
    • SS - Smoky Smash
    • DS - Kill2Erly
    • NS - Nair On Steroids
Thatch - 🏴‍☠️ +🧔🏻 - Yarrr! How Do You Talk - Thatchomaton
  • Blasters
    • SS - Sharp Shrapnel Shooter
    • DS - True Projectile Lover
    • NS - Why Is This The NS
  • Sword
    • SS - Water Breathing, First Form: Water Surface Slash
    • DS - u/FiendBrawlhalla
    • NS - Water Breathing, Third Form: Flowing Dance
Ada - ❎ + 👩🏻‍🦳 - I Am The Spammer With 3 Def. - Adroid
  • Spear
    • SS - Mean Green Streak Of Spear
    • DS - Spinnin’ Around On The Ground
    • NS - Green Screens For Everyone
  • Blasters
    • SS - SS = DS Except Less Time Involved
    • DS - ⬆️⬇️This Is Why I Am Friends With Cassidy
    • NS - *Part Of The Official Shooting At The Floor Club
Sentinel - 🤵🏾 + 🦸🏾‍♂️ - Obamarama, I’m Obama - Botinel
  • Katars
    • SS - Electric Stab
    • DS - Slamming The Ground Causes A Burst Of Electricity #NowYouKnowMoment
    • NS - When You Get Re-Elected
  • Hammer
    • SS - Energy Spike
    • DS - Tiny Little Shove
    • NS - I Like Copying Azoth (We Ran Out Of Ideas Pls Help)
Lucien - I’m Caspian But Worse - Loose Ion
  • Katars
    • SS - Blood Red Uppercut
    • DS - Slice and Dice! - Mortis BS
    • NS - Kung f00t
  • Blasters
    • SS - BEWARE: THIS IS A PARADOX: SN Hctaht Backwards
    • DS - More Shooting At The Floor
    • NS - I WILL Kill You By Inserting Large Amounts Of Smoke Into Your Throat
Teros - 🐮 + 🔨 - I’m A Minotaur, In Norse Mythology - Terobyte
  • Hammer
    • SS - Aim For The Legs
    • DS - Nostril Flame Reversal
    • NS - No, You Go There
  • Axe
    • DS - geometry
    • NS - “And This, My Students, Is A Groundpound” -Every Teros’s School Teacher
Brynn - ◑ + 😇 - When You’re Half Immortal - Bryborg
  • Axe
    • SS - Spinny Axe
    • DS - Ice Cream Scooper
    • NS - Originality at its Maximum
  • Spear
    • SS - I Have Wings, And Yet I Stay So Close To The Ground.
    • DS - Why Is It Ovular? More Like How Is It Ovular??????
    • NS - Diagonal Holy Poke
Asuri - 😼 - I’m Literally a Cat - Mechasuri
  • Sword
    • SS - I Am Speed On Claws
    • DS - Spinny Cat
    • NS - Skyward Slash
  • Katars
    • SS - First Generation Back-Scratcher
    • DS - Clashing Claws (I Insisted On Second Generation Back-Scratcher)
    • NS - Toxic Tiger
Barraza - ⛽️ - Vroom Vroom! - Barrobot
  • Axe
    • SS -
    • DS - Minecraft Mining Expectations vs. Reality
  • Blasters
    • SS - Its A Lock-on But Doesn’t Require A Lock-on????
    • DS - Sliding Somersault (Insert Synonym To Blast That Starts With S)
    • NS - The Last Part Is For Style Points
Ember - 🧝🏻‍♀️+ 🏹 - “One With Nature” Kills Cats, Wolves, Rocks, Dragons- Embot
  • Bow
    • SS - What Does The Wolf Say!? SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
    • DS - Shooting At The Floor Club
    • NS - Ravenous Raven’s Rabid Retarded Retreating Random Ramshackle Reckless Reject
  • Katars
    • SS - (HELP)
    • DS - Retarded Retreat
    • NS - Spinny Slash
Azoth - 💀 - Dang It, Can I Just Stay Dead? - Mechazoth
  • Axe
    • SS - I Never Really Hit This
    • DS - Spooky Scary Skeletons, Come Out Of The Ground
    • NS - DONG
  • Bow
    • SS - I Shoot Weed That Explodes On The Ground
    • DS - Ball Shooter
    • NS - Again, BMG Loves Shadows.
Koji - 👺 + ⚔️ - I Literally Hold My Heart Everytime I Do Nsig. Chivalry 101 - Mechoji
  • Bow
    • SS - Shooting For The Sun (If You Think About It)
    • DS - Plank Fetish
    • NS - Shooting For The Sun
  • Sword
    • SS - Double Steel Strike
    • DS - SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEED *Distant Japanese Music*
    • NS - Neutral Light
Ulgrim - 🎅🏻 - I’m Better Than Scarlet At Everything, Except Hammer - Ultragrim
  • Axe
    • SS - I Wouldn’t Say This Is The BEST Tool For Mining...
    • DS - Dual Axe Spin
    • NS - Phantom Force Spike
  • Lance
    • SS - Chainsaw Swing
    • NS - Red Stuff
Diana - 🧛 + ⚰️ - I Hunt Vampires, But Volkov Brought an Axe and a Huntsman Skin - Diandroid
  • Bow
    • SS -
    • DS -
    • NS -
  • Blasters
    • SS - Smoking Barrel
    • DS - No, The Rope Doesn’t Have Anything On The End, It’s Just A Rope
    • NS -
Jhala - 🐉 + 👩🏾 - I have 3 defense - Jhalatron
  • Sword
    • SS - Fireball Smash
    • DS - scratch.mit.edu
    • NS - Stationary Fireball
  • Axe
    • SS - Dragon Dance
    • DS - Flailing Frenzy
    • NS - Flailing Frenzy In Midair
Kor - 🧗‍♀️- I Was Made By Elves. Go Figure - Korobot
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Floating Arms Do You a Spinny Spin
    • DS - TM26 Earthquake
    • NS - Spike That Causes Rage Quits
  • Hammer
    • SS - Armed Armadillo Attacks Again
    • DS - Rock and Roll
    • NS - Exploding Rock
Wu Shang - ☯️ - “WOOO Shang” -Lobby Dood -Wu Shandroid
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - X🤬
    • DS - Yellow Ying Yang Yeet
    • NS - Read Spear NS ⬇️
  • Spear
    • SS - ➡️X *Instrumental Noise*
    • DS - I Have Four Balls
    • NS - I’m Unique Because My NS Are The Same. The Irony...
Val - 🤖 + 👩🏻‍🦳 - Wait, How Did I Even Get Here, I’m an AI - VAL-9000
  • Gauntlet s
    • SS - *Zoom* Personified
    • DS - Use Code Ninja (Don’t)
    • NS - Electric Elastic Smackdown
  • Sword
    • SS - 3 in 1 Deal
    • DS - Acrobatics are Cool
    • NS - Jwerp. Jwerp. Pow. Boom. *Respawn Noises* Repeat x3
Ragnir - 🐲 - You Think Dragons Don’t Exist? - Ragnobot
  • Katars
    • SS - Corona
    • DS - Corona Cough
    • NS - Corona Cough
  • Axe
    • SS - Scarlet_HSS.exe.S_PAM Copying...
    • DS - Corona Cough
    • NS - Corona Cough
Cross - 💰 + 😈 - I Am Now Inhabited By The Devil Woohoo - CR-055
  • Blasters
    • SS - Red Legged Sanji With Blasters
    • DS - I Just Double-Crossed You
    • NS - Shoot For The Sky
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Fun Fact: The Devil Has Very Short Arms
    • DS - Fun Fact: The Devil Only Has Very Short Arms When Trying to Punch
    • NS - No, There Is No Invisible Rope Holding Up Here. I. Swear. JK
Mirage - 🏜 - I AM SAND Come at me Cassidy - Mirandroid
  • Scythe
    • SS - Saundwaves. Ha. Ha. Ha.
    • DS - Circular Sand Slash
    • NS - You Thought I’m Human, But I’m Actually Sand
  • Spear
    • SS - Mirage Mirage 🤓
    • DS - Game Of Thrones
    • NS - Ima Stick a Spear up ur a** v.2
Nix - 🧟‍♀️ + ⏳ - Hey Mirage, I Have A SaNd GlAsS - Robotnix
  • Scythe
    • SS - I Can fAzE (xD)
    • DS - HoMe RuN! v.2
    • NS - Hey Hey Hey, Where Do You Think You’re Going?
  • Blasters
    • SS - Fun Fact: My Blasters Don’t Actually Shoot Bullets
    • DS - Spooky Scary Skeletons Come Out Of The Ground v.2
    • NS - Got Your Foot
Mordex - 🐺 - Give Me More Dex - M0R-D3X
  • Scythe
    • SS - Spiky Ice With The Slice
    • DS - Howling Hurricane
    • NS - ROAR… ROAR
  • Gauntlets
    • SS -
    • DS - You’ve Been Grabbed
    • NS - “Can I Go Dooown Nooow?”
Yumiko - 🦊 + 🔵 - I Like Blue Balls - CPUmiko
  • Bow
    • SS - GC 3
    • DS - 1
    • NS - 2
  • Hammer
    • SS - FTHONG
    • DS - Kick Up Those Balls
    • NS - Kitsune spiKe
Artemis - 🌌 - Why Talk To Stars, Fait, When You Could BE STARS! CrInGe* - Artematic
  • Lance
    • SS - Don’t Worry, It’s Not Dirty, Just A Lotta ‘Space Junk’
    • DS - A wRiNkLe iN sPaCe TiMe
    • NS - Black Ball Comes Out Of My Face
  • Scythe
    • SS -
    • DS - More Black Ball From My Face
    • NS - Void
Caspian - 🌹 - I Can Turn Roses Into Katars, But Only After I Smell Them- Caspiandroid
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Vibe Check (credit to whoever made that one meme)
    • DS - 99 Bombs To Spam On The Wall 99 Bombs To Spam...
    • NS - My Thumb Muscles Be THICC
  • Katars
    • SS - Here you go! NOW GIVE THAT BACK
    • DS - Threes The Charm (It’s only two thats why you never hit it)
    • NS - One Rose, Full Vertical Coverage PoSiTiVe ElIxIr TrAdE
Sidra - 🐙 + 🏴‍☠️ + ⚓️ - I Fight With Calamari - Sidroid
  • Sword
    • SS - Breakfast!
    • DS - Anchored Flight
    • NS - Tentacle Toss
  • Cannon
    • SS - Plank Bounce
    • DS - LunchTime!
    • NS - RoyalGiant.exe
Xull - 👨🏾‍🎤 - I Lick Fihgingt. - Xulltron
  • Cannon
    • SS - I don’t wanna talk about this one. Its a cannon
    • DS - Lion King: “Be Prepared”
    • NS - IMPORTANT: Only To Be Used On Bears! Xull: abgaba bodvar gabada all legends?
  • Axe
    • SS - RAAAAAAH Consen--(NOT) B\** Grab* SMACK BAM POW
    • DS - See Cannon NS
    • NS - The Great Axe
Kaya - ❄️ + 🐘 - Shooting Snowflakes All Day- Kayandroid
  • Spear
    • SS - Ice-Sickle
    • DS - Useless Storm Kaya-Storm
    • NS - Mammoth Mauler
  • Bow
    • SS - Skating Striking Shot Of Snow
    • DS - Tis But A Heart Of Ice
    • NS - Skating Sliding Striking Shot Of Shrinking Snow Shadow
Isaiah - 🤵🏾 + 🔫 - I’m Sentinel’s Bodyguard But He’s Better Than Me - I, Saibot
  • Blasters
    • SS - Dive Bombed by Plane
    • DS - Dive Bombed but Literally
    • NS - Laser Pointer
  • Cannon
    • SS - Rattattattattattattatta!
    • DS - I’m James Bond!
    • NS - North Korea
Jiro - ⛓ + ♐️ - I Literally Have A Scythe On A Chain, Chain Guillotines - Jirobot
  • Scythe
    • SS - Swinging Scythe Slash
    • DS - Ghost Hook
    • NS - Reads For Days
  • Sword
    • SS - Duplicated Sword Slash
    • DS - Spirit Envoy
    • NS - Active Frame Mania
Lin Fei - 🐉 - Fun Fact, I Have The Largest Hands In Valhalla - Lin Fake
  • Katars
    • SS - Don’t DrInK aNd DrIvE
    • DS - Copying… RagnirKTR_DS.exe
    • NS - Ryujin no ken wo kurae!
  • Cannon
    • SS - Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau!
    • DS - Draconic Emergence #2
    • NS - Flying Flamethrower Fart
Zariel - 😇 + 🔆 - I Am A God - Zero-L
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Zap -2 Elixir
    • DS - I Can Squeeze You ---------- WiTh WiNgS
    • NS - What’s A Spike?
  • Bow
    • SS - “Who Knew Wings Could Be So Fast?” -Brynn
    • DS - Shooting At The Floor Club
    • NS - Disk Spike
Rayman - 🤪 + ✌️ - Only Legend with a Voiceline YEAH - Raymachine
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Enlarge_Gauntlets.exe
    • DS - Why Is This Giving Me Rayman Vibes?
    • NS - Insert Uncreative NS is just the SS Vertical Joke
  • Axe
    • SS - Sliding Strike
    • DS - Oh Wait...
    • NS - Pixie Pounce v.Brawlhalla
Dusk - 🧝🏼‍♂️ + 💎 - They Threw Me In Prison, But I Had A Rock - Reprodusktion
  • Orb
    • SS - Double Thrust
    • DS - Trust Me, It's A Spike
    • NS - Defying Physics Of Brawlhalla For DAYS
  • Spear
    • SS - Throwing People With This Spear Is Fun
    • DS - I Gonna Stick This Spear Rite Up Your A**
    • NS - Wait, How Do I Even Grab People With A Spear?
Fait - 🗣 + 🤩 + ✨ - I Talk To Stars. Stars! - Alt F8
  • Scythe
    • SS - Magic Missile, Except I Don’t Control It
    • DS - Crescent Moon Magic
    • NS - Anal Attack
  • Orb
    • SS - I Can Ride Stars
    • DS - Stellar Present
    • NS - Star Smacker
Thor - ⚡️ - THIS IS THOR, THE GOD OF THUNDER, BOYO -Terminathor
  • Hammer
    • SS - ThunderClouds Go Boom
    • DS - HammerRang™
    • NS - Impending Doom Approaches
  • Orb
    • SS - My Orb Isn’t Even Made Of Metal
    • DS - TM57 Charge Beam
Petra - 💎 + 👚 - KaMeHaMeHa - Botra
  • Orb
    • SS - DragonBall Z Logic, Charge+ = Distance+
    • DS - Boy Have I Got Some BALL For You!
    • NS - Are We Done Yet? Nope
  • Fists
    • DS - BackScratcherAttack
    • NS - Powerful Purple Pink Petra uPpercut
Vector - 🛩 + 💣 - I’m a Superbot! - V3C-T0R
  • Bow
    • SS - Bow? More Like Sword
    • DS - I Got My Own Six
    • NS - Za Last Pwizm
  • Lance
    • SS - “There Will Be No Turbulence”
    • DS - Vector’s S***
    • NS - The Seatbelt Sign Has Been Turned On
Volkov - 🧛🏻‍♂️ - BUT IT WAS ME, DIO! - v.01kov
  • Scythe
    • SS - BatSpawner.exe
    • DS - “Volkov, Bringah Of Batz!” (BS)
    • NS - Spinny Wheel of Doom
  • Axe
    • SS - “About How Much Longer Do I Have To Hold This?”
    • DS - I Like Randomly Swinging At The Ground
    • NS - Secret Attack!!!!! Fingernails!
Onyx - 🗿 + 🗽 - I Don’t Even Know Why I Was Added To This Game, I’m A Statue - Unyx
  • Gauntlets
    • SS - Garbage Truck
    • DS - HM06 Rock Smash v.2
    • NS - MegaDunk
  • Cannon
    • SS - GroundPound, But Literally
    • DS - Petrification Explosion
    • NS - Spray Paint With Red Eyes
Jaeyun - - I Will Fight You For Moneys - .jyun
  • Greatsword
    • SS -
    • DS -
    • NS -
  • Sword
    • SS -
    • DS -
    • NS - Tornado Jump
submitted by terraryanus to Brawlhalla


First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 366

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USER NAME>Da'amo'o_The_Magician
PASSWORD (Never share you password. Neb-Steam Customer Service Will NEVER ask you for your password): [email protected]$$w0rd
Welcome, Da'amo'o the Magician. You have 14 new messages and one Urgent Message.
View Normal Messages?
View Urgent Message?
TO: Great Most High of Planetary Maintenance Da'amo'o
Your submitted game "Terran Maintenance Attack Simulator" has been reviewed by our Quality and Standards Team as well as undergone our six day playtest system. Your recent patch 0.4.1.A2.a (Food Dispenser Update) was received and applied.
We are proud to announce to you that your game, "Terran Maintenance Attack Simulator" has been approved for sale on Nebula-Steam as part of the Starlight Program, which seeks to amplify the reach of indie developers such as yourself.
Simply go to your Developer's Page and follow the instructions. Remember to upload both your 2D and 3DVR game cover art as well as double-check your splash-page stinger for translation errors.
At this time, you are approved for Early Access Release, Alpha Test Release, Beta Test Release, or Full Release.
Additional options are available to you for release of your media as well as advertising your media.
Once again, we here at Nebula-Steam would like to welcome you to our Starlight Program and we look forward to working with you.
--The Digitally Simulated Brain of Gabe Newell, Nebula-Steam LLC
Would you like to see your Developers Page and Tools?
Great Most High of Planetary Maintenance Da'amo'o galloped around the relaxation lawn behind the Planetary Maintenance Facility, feeling his chest swell with an unidentified emotion. He knew that upstairs, on his computer, files were being uploaded to Nebula-Steam, rolling out the Early-Access Release of what had started as a mere way of passing the time.
Neo-sapients stared at him as he galloped around, but merely smiled to one another. Da'amo'o was known to be a bit eccentric for a Lanaktallan, but he authorized plenty of overtime, divided up maintenance across the planet into zones where one had to travel very little to reach a work order, and had even broken open the stores and allowed neo-sapients to use government vehicles rather than take public transportation to job sites.
Why, he had even authorized uniforms that displayed that a neo-sapient worked for Planetary Maintenance, complete with badges of ranks and coloration that displayed what part of Maintenance they worked for.
One of the Savashan sitting on a bench eating a sandwich (with actual RealMeatTM in it) had been accosted by LawSec two weeks ago. Most High Da'amo'o had arrived personally to release him from the jail cell, took back the tools, chastised the LawSec Commander, and then, weirdly enough, when heating failed to all of the LawSec Officer's offices, had put the repairs on low priority.
As far as that Savashan was concerned, if Da'amo'o wanted to run in circles wearing a purple paper hat and blowing a musical instrument, the Savashan would defend Da'amo'o's right to do so.
Da'amo'o himself was sweating and blowing heavy, his heart still full of something he couldn't describe, as he leaned into the corner he was running around. He couldn't believe it, it was too incredible, too outlandish.
He had logged into his "Developer Options" page on Nebula Steam and carefully read through the contract. It was mind-boggling. It was outrageous.
He retained full control of his program. All rights to it.
Nebula-Steam would host it on their servers, even offered the option for hosting of multi-player servers, and only asked for FORTY PERCENT! of the take. It was outrageous.
Then, he had discovered he could release different versions as long as they were functionally different. He had spent nearly a week coding heavily, allowing the VI 'supervisors' to handle the basic maintenance, and had come up with multiple versions of his game.
Why, he'd be getting six credits out of ten! He had set the price of one hundred twenty credits for the full version, sixty credits for the limited version, eighty credits for the multiplayer, forty-credits for the "Food Dispenser Panic!" DLC (what a wonderful concept. Downloadable content that could just be patched into the game, changing the game, updating it, without having to completely redo it! Just the thought of such a remarkable idea made Da'amo'o quiver with excitement), and the five ten-credit "World Map Packs" and the "City Procedural Generation Software" that was available as a free download to anyone who owned the 'Executor Freakout' version. Then there was the "Building Artpack" for various planets and species, even including a special building relevant to each species, for only five credits, that came bundled in the "Executor Freakout" version. Not to mention the Demo that would unlock into the limited version if a neo-sapient put in their worker ID number.
He had, at first, ensured the settings were put right so that his implant would be pinged for each sale. In the beginning, there was only a handful of pings the first few hours. Then more. Then even more. Until his implant couldn't keep up.
He was terrified to look into his Nebula-Steam wallet.
There was a shimmering in the air and he slowed down, coming to a stop and panting. He tapped the shimmer and a VR representation of a door appeared.
The Pink Panty Fairy stepped through, wearing her new outfit that he'd carefully designed for her. It was modeled after Terran "power suits'. Not the combat kind, no, the kind that projected authority and dominance, consisting of a pair of shined high heeled boots, slacks with creases on the front of the legs, and an official looking torso covering with long sleeves and cufflinks. She wore a pink sash that displayed that she was Da'amo'o's personal assistant and operated with his full authority.
Da'amo'o had carefully gone over Terran images of powerful females and what they wore. He had agonized over current fashions, dressing properly for various jobs, and other media.
He had eventually settled on a modification of the Space Force female Terran uniform, complete with sash.
"You made Gold, Da'amo'o, baby," she said, her glittering iridescent wings twitching. "Ten million sales in the last two hours."
Da'amo'o shuffled nervously.
"Even your map packs, the DLC, and the Executor Freakout versions are firmly in the Gold status," she said. She lifted up a clipboard and looked at it. "At current projections, you should hit Platinum within a week. Returns are less than two percent. Your rating is 'Oustandingly Positive' and average customer engagement on first playthrough is three hours."
Da'amo'o nodded, reaching into his pouch and pulling out a wad of carefully harvested expensive cud. He jammed it in his mouth and slowly began chewing it, thinking. He had been thinking of adding a "Work Crew Supervisor Expansion Pack" where a being could take on the role of a supervisor and move through a procedurally generated building to watch over the neo-sapients as they worked.
If the game was doing that well, he might have to adapt the old public domain software that generated dungeons that he had found on a code repository site. Combining it with the shopping trip simulator software that he had found abandoned might work...
"Currently, using proxy servers to upload the game mean that the majority of purchasers and interested parties think that the game was developed and uploaded from Hesstla, which still has a high Lanaktallan population despite being nominally under Terran control," she said. She lowered the clipboard and it vanished.
"So, Da'amo'o, baby, what's your plan now?" the Pink Secretary asked.
Da'amo'o trotted toward the door that would lead to the elevator that would take him to his office. "What's my schedule look like?"
The Pink Secretary looked at another clipboard. "Clear for the next two days. That's when you have scheduled an inspection of the worker's maintenance vehicles."
Da'a'mo'o nodded. That gave him an idea. "Maintenance Street Racing" where the players could race bulky, unresponsive cargo vehicles and tool vans through city streets to a job, competing with other maintenance teams to reach the contract and clock in first.
He quickly mentally jotted a note and passed it to his datalink to pass it to his console.
Perhaps have the wild card where overpowered flaming Terran vehicles attempt to run the maintenance crew vehicle off the road? he thought.
"How is the reference gathering for Project Blah Bleh Blah going?" he asked her.
She consulted a datapad. "Not well. Mostly we've had to use police sketches and mockups as well as video taken from Gal-Net."
Damnation and tarnation, as a Treana'ad cattle rustler would say, Da'amo'o thought to himself. He had ridden home in a limousine one foggy night, staring out the window, and had gotten the idea to create an entertainment game completely based on fiction, starring the Night Terran.
But he was having a hard time gathering concrete data on the elusive figure.
"You asked me to remind you about tonight, baby," the Pink Secretary said.
"The motion capture actors," Da'amo'o stated. He stopped and waited for the elevator.
The neo-sapients and a few female Lanaktallan were supposed to arrive at his domicile for dinner and then motion capture. He was planning on rewarding them handsomely.
Credits bought more cooperation than his rank, and he had learned to appreciate it.
In the elevator he brought up data on his retinal link, examining it. Most of what he wanted was available on the public domain software repositories. He'd gained an eye for being able to determine if the software might be usable. If it contained extensive documentation, it would be easily usable.
If it did not, there might be hidden gems within in, but by and large, the programmer would have been deceased for tens of thousands of years.
An idea for another entertainment simulation bubbled up in his mind and he clapped his lower hands together excitedly even as he made notes on his datalink.
True, most of his ideas would prove to be unworkable or not as exciting as he had thought at the time, but for every score that had be discarded one would provide the kernel of a great idea.
The door opened and he trotted down the hallway. Opening the door to his office he nodded at the Ikeeki receptionist, who professionally ignored him as she applied dye to the very tips of her pinfeathers with a small brush. She was wearing the finest clothing, her plumage was lush and lavish, and her jewelry sparkled in the light of the office.
Just her appearance had been enough to put many complaining Lanaktallan in their place. The fact that she was so pampered and lavished upon told all Lanaktallan that she was more valued by Great Most High of Planetary Maintenance Da'amo'o then they ever possibly would be.
He sat down in his comfortable chair and waited for the backrest and armrests to rotate into position. He checked his real maintenance program, not his entertainment one, and authorized overtime, dispatched work crews, and scheduled time off for his crews.
Once he had spent two hours working, he had a break and leaned back in his chair, slowly chewing the expensive cud.
He had an idea.
Logging back onto Nebula-Steam, he perused the Terran Confederacy stores, using a proxy server to pretend he was logging in from one of the Confederacy controlled worlds.
He knew he had seen it briefly. Now he was sure.
He said the word slowly, savoring it.
Checking one of the most popular games, he then ran a search to see who was playing the game that had at least twenty hours into it. It was a popular game, a magical primitivism simulation where a user could fight fantastic creatures, romance attractive and unattractive beings, explore ruins and wilderness while wielding steel weapons or magic.
There it was.
Pinned Achievements.
He examined it closely. Terrans prized the most difficult achievements. Some achievements had been acquired by less than 0.0001% of those with at least 10 hours in the game. Such achievements as "I Tawt I Saw a Puddy-Tat" for fighting a giant saber-toothed cat with only a flint knife in a blizzard during the full moon while only wearing wolf-skin armor and a hat made from yellow bird feathers. Or the achievement "Chrome Lips Sink Ships" for any Battleship Gunner's Mate rating five or higher who killed at least one enemy vessel as their own ship was being destroyed and choosing to respawn in the ship's clone bank and return to their station even as the ship broke up.
Da'amo'o checked his schedule. He still had six hours he had to be at his desk. He checked the work program. The only thing that needed his attention was a Wandering Terran had set plants ablaze in a park in eVR enhanced reality and the maintenance team needed a Level III Exorcism team. He authorized it and closed the program.
What if I could make it a status symbol? he thought. Sashes proclaimed various ranks and awards, but if one had a retinal link, like any proper gamer (R-Link Lyfe Yo!) , then a being's 'gamer tag' as well as their Nebula-Steam Rank appeared in your vision when you looked at another gamer who was broadcasting his ID.
By nightfall, he realized he'd been in his office till almost dinner. He rushed home, hosted the fancy dinner, then used his motion capture equipment to record various beings doing mundane tasks, right down to washing dishes by hand. He paid everyone, then galloped down the hallway to a solid battlesteel door.
He quivered with excitement when his Gal-Net link cut off. The electronic warfare system he had managed to get transferred to him via a long looping shipping circuit kept anyone from accessing what was beyond the door from outside.
The door cracked open, white light appearing. He quivered with excitement. He had taken the visuals from exciting Terran games and he had to admit, it was psychologically powerful.
He trotted into what was beyond. What had been a wine cellar had been built, off the books, by heavily bribed neo-sapient work crews that he had paid in cred-sticks, promotions, and prestigious employment locations.
His programming lab.
Full eVI assist. Enhanced Virtual Reality.
He had modeled it after Vehicle Repairbeing v823 that he had managed to get onto his account.
He rubbed his hands together as he activated his assistants.
The girls from that wonderfully subversive program appeared, all working hard, with the exception of the red-head, who sat in the corner reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette, giving him a haughty look as she smoothed her black and red plaid skirt with one hand.
He worked far into the night, going to bed only after the Pink Programming Assistant Fairy woke him up for the third time.
Still, success.
He had done it.
He, Great Most High of Planetary Maintenance Da'amo'o, had managed to complete the impossible!
When he trotted into work the next day, everyone could see scrolling on his sash the fact that he had platinum Nebula-Steam achievement awards, that his sash edging wasn't a straight line but was, instead, a flickering violet and pink flame pattern.
Da'amo'o could feel the envy of his lessers as they gazed in awe at the achievements displayed on his sash.
Any being could get attendance and good parking awards for their sash.
When he finished the morning's required maintenance he leaned back in his chair and pressed the eVR button.
The Pink Secretary Fairy appeared, holding a clipboard.
"How's it hanging, Da'amo'o, baby?" she asked, smiling.
"You tell me, dear one," Da'amo'o replied.
She looked at her clipboard. "The Retinal Link Nebula-Steam Account Interlink has gone platinum. The Sash link is the same," she smiled widely. "Nebula-Steam approved your proposal that only icons that match your specifications can be used as a basis for the award displays."
Da'amo'o rubbed his hands together. "And how many software entertainment organizations have purchased the icon and software packages I offered them?"
"All of them, Da'armo'o, baby," she replied.
"Excellent," Da'amo'o said.
"Already Dewie, Cheatum, and Howe have successfully defended your proprietary programming and styles," she said. She consulted her datapad. "They have been paid in full for their services and put on retainer."
"Excellent," Da'amo'o said. He thought for a long moment, swinging around to stare out the window. "I need another assistant, someone to assist me in this job to free me for my true passion."
The Pink Secretary Fairy frowned slightly. "Which is?"
Da'amo'o motioned with all four hands out the window. "To make work into something enjoyable. To use VR and Gal-Net to provide a sense of accomplishment that seems to have been stripped from real life."
He rubbed his hands together.
"To give everyone a sense of achievement."
Forty-Second Assistant Most High of Food Processors Ga'ame'er clopped into the lunch room of the massive building that housed licensing. He adjusted his sash and ensured his retinal link ID header was on as he crossed the room to the line waiting to order lunch.
He realized that in front of him was a Lanaktallan who had their gamertag, Nebula-Steam score, and achievements displayed on their expensive and fashionable sash as well as over their head.
The Lanaktallan, who's sash proclaimed him a twelfth Most High, had only silver achievements.
Ga'ame'er reached forward and tapped the other Lanaktallan on the side. The Lanaktallan turned, frowning, looking a Ga'ame'er.
"Move, lowly one," Ga'ame'er said, reaching up and tapping his sash.
The Twelfth Most High of Traffic Supervision Pehza'ahnt started to lift his lip and then saw the top ranking achievement far outstripped anything he had accomplished.
Feeling shame before one of his peers, he moved out of the way, letting Ga'ame'er take his place.
Pehza'ahnt ground his cud and promised himself that he would grind extra-hard that night. That achievement flaunted by Ga'ame'er would be his.
Oh yes, oh yes it would be.
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submitted by Ralts_Bloodthorne to HFY