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Biohazard 4 / Resident Evil 4 - PC Game Trainer Cheat

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[Crack Watch] Games

Denuvo

UNCRACKED DENUVO GAMES
Name Released Store link
Handball 17 2016-11-15 Steam
Fe 2018-02-16 Steam
Burnout Paradise Remastered 2018-08-21 Steam
Tourist Bus Simulator 2018-12-06 Steam
Trials Rising 2019-02-26 Steam
Left Alive 2019-03-05 Steam
Anno 1800 2019-04-16 Ubisoft Store
Starlink: Battle for Atlas 2019-04-30 Steam
Police Simulator: Patrol Duty 2019-06-18 Steam
F1 2019 2019-06-27 Steam
FIFA 20 2019-09-27 Origin
Zombie Army 4: Dead War 2020-02-04 Epic
Maneater 2020-05-22 Epic
F1 2020 2020-07-10 Steam
Train Sim World 2 2020-08-20 Steam
Madden NFL 21 2020-08-25 Steam
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 2020-09-04 Epic
Star Wars: Squadrons 2020-10-02 Steam
FIFA 21 2020-10-09 Steam
Drone Swarm 2020-10-20 Steam
Watch Dogs: Legion 2020-10-29 Ubisoft Store
Dirt 5 2020-11-06 Steam
Need For Speed Hot Pursuit Remastered 2020-11-06 Steam
Yakuza: Like a Dragon 2020-11-10 Steam
Assassin's Creed: Valhalla 2020-11-10 Ubisoft Store
Firefighting Simulator - The Squad 2020-11-17 Steam
Football Manager 2021 2020-11-24 Steam
CRACKED OR BYPASSED DENUVO GAMES
Name Released Cracked By Store Link
Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown(x) 2019-02-01 2019-02-15 CPY Steam
Far Cry New Dawn(+) 2019-02-15 2019-02-22 CODEX Steam
Mortal Kombat 11(+) 2019-04-23 2020-10-16 EMPRESS Steam
Team Sonic Racing(+) 2019-05-21 2020-06-05 CODEX Steam
Total War Three Kingdoms(x) 2019-05-23 2019-07-10 CODEX/EMPRESS Steam
Sea of Solitude(+) 2019-07-05 2019-09-14 CODEX Steam
Wolfenstein: Youngblood(–) 2019-07-26 2019-08-16 CODEX Steam
Madden NFL 20(–) 2019-08-02 2019-08-28 CODEX Origin
eFootball Pro Evolution Soccer 2020 2019-09-10 Bypassed by Titikaka Steam
Borderlands 3(x) 2019-09-13 2019-10-29 CODEX/EMPRESS Steam
Code Vein(x) 2019-09-27 2019-10-01 CODEX Steam
Planet Zoo(x) 2019-11-05 2020-09-23 EMPRESS Steam
Need for Speed Heat(x) 2019-11-08 2019-12-27 Leaked CODEX crack Steam
Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order(–) 2019-11-15 2019-11-18 CODEX Steam
Football Manager 2020(–) 2019-11-19 2020-06-18 MKDEV Steam
Doom Eternal(x) 2020-03-20 2020-03-19 Bethesda Leak/CODEX Steam
Persona 4 Golden(–) 2020-06-13 2020-07-02 whiteee Steam
Death Stranding(–) 2020-07-14 2020-10-14 CPY Steam
Total War Saga: Troy(x) 2020-08-13 2020-10-14 CPY Epic
Marvel's Avengers(+) 2020-09-04 2020-10-18 CPY Steam
eFootball Pro Evolution Soccer 2021(–) 2020-09-15 2020-10-14 CPY Steam
Crysis Remastered(+) 2020-09-18 2020-10-20 CPY Epic
Mafia: Definitive edition(–) 2020-09-25 2020-10-14 CPY Steam
OLDER CRACKED OR BYPASSED DENUVO GAMES
Name Released Cracked By Store Link
FIFA 15 (+) 2014-09-23 2015-02-01 3DM (Fixed by CPY) Origin
Dragon Age Inquisition (+) 2014-11-18 2014-12-18 3DM (Fixed by CPY)/merumeru Steam
Battlefield Hardline (+) 2015-03-17 2015-08-13 CPY Steam
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain(+) 2015-09-01 2015-09-10 3DM (Fixed by CPY)/CODEX Steam
FIFA 16 2015-09-22 Bypassed by Turk DM Origin
Just Cause 3(+) 2015-12-01 2017-02-28 CPY Steam
Rise of the Tomb Raider(+) 2016-01-28 2016-08-08 CPY/DeltaT Steam
Unravel (+) 2016-02-09 2017-07-04 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Far Cry: Primal (+) 2016-03-01 2017-01-08 CPY + CODEX Steam
Total War: Warhammer(x) 2016-05-24 2017-06-17 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Mirror's Edge: Catalyst (+) 2016-06-07 2016-10-02 CPY Steam
F1 2016(+) 2016-08-19 2017-06-26 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Fernbus Simulator(x) 2016-08-25 2017-10-21 CODEPUNKS Steam
God Eater Resurrection(+) 2016-08-28 2016-11-08 CPY/Voksi Steam
God Eater 2: Rage Burst(+) 2016-08-30 2017-01-22 CPY/DeltaT Steam
Champions of Anteria (–) 2016-08-30 2016-12-25 CPY + CODEX Steam
FIFA 17 (+) 2016-09-27 2017-07-12 STEAMPUNKS Origin
Pro Evolution Soccer 2017(+) 2016-09-30 2016-10-27 CPY Unavailable
WRC 6 FIA(+) 2016-10-14 2017-06-15 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Battlefield 1 (–) 2016-10-21 2017-02-05 CPY Steam
Football Manager 2017(+) 2016-11-04 2017-06-27 STEAMPUNKS/Voksi Unavailable
Planet Coaster(x) 2016-11-17 2017-06-10 STEAMPUNKS/Voksi/DeltaT Steam
Watch Dogs 2 (+) 2016-11-29 2017-01-18 CPY + CODEX Steam
Tales of Berseria(+) 2017-01-27 2017-02-17 CPY Steam
Sniper Elite 4(–) 2017-02-14 2017-06-22 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Ghost Recon Wildlands (–) 2017-03-07 2017-07-24 STEAMPUNKS (Fixed by CPY)/DeltaT Steam
Dead Rising 4(+) 2017-03-14 2017-06-18 Baldman/Voksi/CODEX Steam
NieR: Automata(+) 2017-03-19 2017-05-07 Baldman/CPY Steam
Dragon Quest Heroes II(+) 2017-04-25 2017-06-25 Baldman/CODEX Steam
Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War III(–) 2017-04-27 2017-06-13 Baldman + Voksi Steam
Battlezone Gold Edition(+) 2017-05-11 2018-05-06 Voksi/DeltaT Steam
Tekken 7(–) 2017-06-02 2017-06-06 Baldman/CPY/Voksi/CODEX/EMPRESS Steam
Hunting Simulator(+) 2017-06-09 2017-08-17 CPY/Voksi Steam
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School(+) 2017-08-22 2017-08-22 ALI213 (Fixed by Steam006) Steam
F1 2017(+) 2017-08-25 2017-09-13 CPY/sam2k8 /Voksi Steam
Monopoly plus (–) 2017-09-08 2017-10-06 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Pro Evolution Soccer 2018(+) 2017-09-13 2017-09-22 CPY/Voksi/DeltaT Unavailable
WRC 7 FIA(+) 2017-09-15 2017-09-24 CPY/Voksi/CODEX Steam
Total War: Warhammer 2(+) 2017-09-28 2017-09-28 STEAMPUNKS/Voksi/CODEX/ DeltaT/c000005/PARADOX Steam
FIFA 18 (x) 2017-09-29 2017-09-29 STEAMPUNKS Origin
Middle-earth: Shadow of War(+) 2017-10-10 2017-10-11 CODEX/c000005 Steam
South Park: The Fractured but Whole (+) 2017-10-17 2017-10-18 CODEPUNKS/CODEX Steam
Assassin's Creed: Origins (+) 2017-10-27 2018-02-03 CPY/CODEX Steam
Sonic Forces(+) 2017-11-07 2018-01-21 CPY Steam
Need For Speed Payback (x) 2017-11-10 2018-03-09 CPY Steam
Football Manager 2018(+) 2017-11-10 2018-06-21 Voksi Unavailable
Injustice 2(+) 2017-11-14 2018-07-03 Voksi/CODEX Steam
Star Wars Battlefront II (–) 2017-11-17 2019-06-28 CODEX Steam
Star Ocean: The Last Hope HD Remaster(+) 2017-11-28 2018-01-27 CPY/DeltaT Steam
Dragon Ball FighterZ(x) 2018-01-26 2018-07-10 Voksi/CODEX Steam
SWORD ART ONLINE: Fatal Bullet(–) 2018-02-23 2018-04-11 CPY/FCKDRM/CODEX Steam
Puyo Puyo Tetris(+) 2018-02-27 2018-06-28 Voksi/CODEX Steam
A Way Out (+) 2018-03-23 2018-11-12 CPY Steam
Far Cry 5 (–) 2018-03-27 2018-04-15 CPY/CODEX Steam
Total War Saga: Thrones of Britannia(x) 2018-05-03 2018-07-20 Voksi Steam
Unravel Two (+) 2018-06-09 2018-09-11 CODEX Steam
Jurassic World Evolution(x) 2018-06-12 2018-09-25 CODEX Steam
Shining Resonance Refrain(+) 2018-07-10 2018-07-11 Voksi/DeltaT Steam
Monster Hunter World(–) 2018-08-09 2018-12-02 CODEX/CPY/PARADOX Steam
Madden NFL 19 (–) 2018-08-10 2018-10-04 CODEX Origin
F1 2018(+) 2018-08-24 2018-09-15 CODEX/sam2k8 Steam
Strange Brigade(+) 2018-08-28 2019-01-11 CPY/PLAZA Steam
Pro Evolution Soccer 2019(–) 2018-08-30 2018-11-25 CPY Unavailable
Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Striker(x) 2018-08-31 2018-08-31 3DM /CODEX Steam
Dragon Quest XI(–) 2018-09-04 2018-09-17 CODEX Steam
Zone of the Enders The 2nd Runner(+) 2018-09-04 2019-06-26 CODEX Steam
Shadow of The Tomb Raider(–) 2018-09-14 2018-11-17 CPY/CODEX Steam
New Gundam Breaker(+) 2018-09-24 2019-06-26 CODEX Steam
Valkyria Chronicles 4(+) 2018-09-25 2019-01-25 CODEX Steam
Life is Strange 2(x) 2018-09-27 2019-01-16 CPY Steam
FIFA 19 (–) 2018-09-28 2018-11-30 CPY Origin
Assassin's Creed: Odyssey(x) 2018-10-05 2018-11-10 CPY/EMPRESS Steam
Soulcalibur 6(x) 2018-10-19 2018-10-23 CODEX/EMPRESS Steam
The Quiet Man(+) 2018-11-01 2020-06-07 CODEX Steam
Football Manager 2019(–) 2018-11-02 2018-11-06 FCKDRM Steam
Battlefield V (–) 2018-11-20 2018-12-12 CPY Steam
Just Cause 4(x) 2018-12-04 2018-12-05 CPY Steam
GAMES THAT NO LONGER HAVE DENUVO
Name Released Cracked By Store Link
Lords of the Fallen 2014-10-28 2015-07-26 CPY Steam GOG
Batman Arkham Knight 2015-06-23 2015-07-28 CPY Steam Epic
Mad Max 2015-09-01 2015-10-20 3DM (Fixed by CPY) Steam Origin
Hitman 2016-03-11 2017-03-15 CPY Steam
Adr1ft 2016-03-28 2017-06-09 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Doom 2016-05-13 2016-09-07 CPY Steam
Homefront: The Revolution 2016-05-17 2017-03-06 PLAZA Steam
Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Daughter 2016-06-10 2017-02-28 CPY Steam GOG
Inside 2016-07-07 2016-08-23 CPY Steam
ABZÛ 2016-08-02 2017-06-12 STEAMPUNKS Steam GOG
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided 2016-08-23 2016-11-10 CPY/SKIDROW Steam GOG
Titanfall 2 2016-10-28 2017-07-14 CODEX Steam
Moto Racer 4 2016-11-03 2017-06-19 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Yesterday Origin 2016-11-10 2016-11-10 ALI213 (Fixed by CPY) Steam
Dishonored 2 2016-11-11 2017-06-05 STEAMPUNKS Steam
Resident Evil 7: Biohazard 2017-01-24 2017-01-29 CPY Steam
Conan: Exiles 2017-01-31 2017-01-31 Kortal /Voksi/CODEX/DeltaT/c000005 Steam
2Dark 2017-03-10 2017-04-13 CPY Steam
Train Sim World 2020 2017-03-16 2017-06-26 Baldman/CODEX Steam
Mass Effect Andromeda 2017-03-24 2017-05-04 CPY Steam
Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition 2017-04-07 2017-06-16 Baldman Steam
Syberia 3 2017-04-20 2017-04-23 SomeRandomAntiDenuvoGuy Steam
Sniper Ghost Warrior 3 2017-04-25 2017-05-07 Baldman/CPY Steam
Prey 2017-05-05 2017-05-14 Baldman/CPY/Voksi Steam
RiME 2017-05-26 2017-06-01 Baldman Steam
Constructor HD 2017-05-26 2017-06-14 CPY/Voksi Steam
Agents of Mayhem 2017-08-15 2017-08-25 CPY Steam
Sonic Mania 2017-08-29 2017-09-05 CPY/Voksi Steam
Life is Strange: Before the Storm 2017-08-31 2017-09-01 Steam006 (Fixed by CODEX) Steam
Dishonored: Death of the Outsider 2017-09-15 2017-09-23 STEAMPUNKS/Voksi Steam
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite 2017-09-19 2017-09-25 CPY Steam
Transroad USA 2017-11-09 2017-11-11 Potato_of_Doom/SKIDROW Steam
Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age 2018-02-01 2018-02-18 CPY Steam
Final Fantasy XV** 2018-03-06 2018-03-02 3DM /sam2k8 /CPY/CODEX Steam Microsoft Store
Bus Simulator 18 2018-06-13 2020-02-17 c000005 Steam
Yakuza 0 2018-08-01 2018-12-11 CPY Steam
Two Point Hospital 2018-08-29 2018-08-29 SKIDROW Steam
Mega Man 11 2018-10-02 2018-11-06 FCKDRM Steam
Hitman 2 2018-11-13 2018-11-15 FCKDRM/CPY Steam
Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden 2018-12-04 2019-01-14 CPY Steam
Resident Evil 2 2019-01-25 2019-02-01 CODEX/Venom Steam
Metro Exodus 2019-02-15 2019-02-20 CPY Steam
Devil May Cry 5 2019-03-08 2019-03-08 sam2k8 Steam
RAGE 2 2019-05-14 2019-05-14 BzinhoGames/CODEX Steam
Conan Unconquered 2019-05-29 2019-09-19 PLAZA Steam
Octopath Traveler 2019-06-07 2019-09-08 CPY Steam
Heavy Rain 2019-06-24 2019-11-24 CPY Steam
Beyond: Two Souls 2019-07-22 2020-06-18 CODEX Steam
Moons of Madness 2019-10-22 2019-11-08 CODEX Steam
Dragon Quest Builders 2 2019-12-10 2020-01-09 whiteee Steam
Detroit: Become Human 2019-12-12 2020-06-18 CODEX Steam
Resident Evil 3 2020-04-03 2020-10-01 chronos Steam
Resident Evil Resistance 2020-04-03 2020-10-01 chronos Steam
Trials of Mana 2020-04-24 2020-06-08 CODEX Steam
FREE TO PLAY GAMES THAT USE DENUVO
Name Released Cracked By
The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit 2018-06-26 2019-01-16 CPY
UNCRACKED DENUVO GAMES THAT ARE ONLINE ONLY
Name Released
Star Wars: Battlefront 2015-11-17
Plants VS Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 2016-02-23
Need For Speed 2016-03-15
Steep 2016-12-02
For Honor 2017-02-13
The Crew 2 2018-06-29
Anthem 2019-02-22
Ghost Recon Breakpoint 2019-10-04
UPCOMING DENUVO GAMES
Name Release
Immortals Fenyx Rising 2020-12-03
Dragon Quest XI Definitive Edition 2020-12-04
Hitman 3A 2021-01-20
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Remake 2021-01-21
Balan Wonderworld 2021-03-26
NieR Replicant ver.1.22474487139... 2021-04-23
Mass Effect Legendary Edition TBA 2021
Rainbow Six Quarantine TBA 2021
Far Cry 6 TBA 2021
Circuit SuperstarsA TBA 2021
Hogwarts LegacyA TBA 2021
Evil Genius 2: World DominationA TBA 2021
Skull and Bones TBA 2021
Gotham KnightsA TBA 2021
Resident Evil 8: VillageA TBA 2021
Deathloop TBA 2022
Tales of AriseA TBA
The Settlers TBA
Dragon Age: The Dread Wolf Rises TBA
Skate 4 TBA
Saints Row 5A TBA
Elden RingA TBA
Babylon's FallA TBA
Beyond Good & Evil 2 TBA
Lords of the Fallen 2A TBA
Wolfenstein 3A TBA

UWP

UNCRACKED UWP GAMES
Name Released
CRACKED/BYPASSED UWP GAMES
Caution: Some of the cracks here are not compatible with the latest version of Windows 10 (Currently 2004). Because of this, I have given the versions that Windows 10 was on when they got cracked (including updates).
Name Released Cracked By W10 version
Gears of War UE(+) 2016-03-01 2018-06-14 mercs213* 1803 but works on 1903
Forza Horizon 3(+) 2016-09-27 2018-06-12 CODEX/GHOSTSPECTRE 1803 but works on 1903, 1909
Gears of War 4(+) 2016-10-11 2018-03-12 CODEX 1709
Halo Wars 2(–) 2017-02-17 2018-06-20 mercs213* 1803
Forza Motorsport 7(x) 2017-10-03 2018-06-13 MnSXx*/CODEX/GHOSTSPECTRE 1803 but works on 1809, 1903 and 1909
Forza Horizon 4(+) 2018-10-02 2019-08-08 LOOTBOX/osb79* 1903 but works on 1909
Crackdown 3(–) 2019-02-15 2019-02-19 CODEX 1809 but works on 1803, 1903 and 1909
UPCOMING UWP GAMES
Name Release
Age of Empires 4 TBA

BATTLE.NET

UNCRACKED BATTLE.NET GAMES
Name Released
Starcraft Remastered 2017-08-14
Warcraft III Reforged 2020-01-28
CRACKED BATTLE.NET GAMES
Name Released Cracked By
Starcraft 2: Legacy of the Void(x) 2015-11-10 2015-11-23 RELOADED
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Remastered(+) 2020-04-30 2020-05-03 Extern/Razor1911
UNCRACKED BATTLE.NET GAMES THAT ARE ONLINE ONLY
Name Released
Diablo 3 2012-05-15
Overwatch 2016-05-24
Call of Duty: Black Ops IV 2018-10-12
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2019-10-25
Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War 2020-11-13
CODEPUNKS = CODEX + STEAMPUNKS
C000005 = EMPRESS
*MnSXx, osb79, and mercs213 used CODEX's crack of FH3 to crack the remaining UWP games
**UWP version has no Denuvo. Uses UWP DRM instead. Steam version still has Denuvo.
Each cracked game will have a (+) (–) or (x) sign. These signs only cover Single Player content.
(+) means the latest update is cracked with all the DLC's
(-) means all DLC's are cracked, but the latest patch is uncracked
(x) means latest DLC or multiple ones are uncracked
Protected by Origin DRM
Protected by Uplay/Ubisoft Connect DRM
Epic Store exclusive
Steam version still uses Denuvo, GOG version available
Cracked using a DRM free leak (Usually P2P)
A - Not confirmed but based on the assumption that the game will use Denuvo because of the previous uses of Denuvo by the publisher. These games may not have Denuvo on their release.
To see VR games and games that require special accessories see them here
Special thanks to u/MrAxlee for reorganizing and making the table look better
Special thanks to u/PM__YOUR__BALLS for suggesting and making the signs look visually better and for reducing character number by a significant amount
submitted by EssenseOfMagic to CrackWatch

The entire shrek script if it was read by yoda

A lovely princess once upon a time there was. An enchantment upon her of a fearful sort but she had, broken by love's first kiss which could only be. Locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon she was. Attempted to free her from this dreadful prison many brave knights had, but none prevailed. In the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss she waited. That's ever going to happen like. What a loony. Out I think he's in here shrek beware stay. All right. Get it lets! On hold. You know what that thing can do to you do? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. A giant well actually that would be. Now ogres, huh, much worse they are. A soup from your freshly peeled skin they'll make. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. The part this is, away where you run. Yeah! Out and stay. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, full this one is. It away take. Me that give. Over your fine days are. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -come on. Down there sit! Quiet and be! So small this cage is. You wouldn't turn me in. Stubborn again i'll never be. I can change. Please, me another chance give. Oh, up shut! Next. We got what do? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, i'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. It away take. No! Please, let them do it do not! Next. You got what do? Well, a talking donkey i've got! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, it if you can prove. Oh, ahead fella go. Well? He's just a li... , just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. Heard enough I have. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. To talk I love. To i've talked... Her out of my sight get! -no, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -he can fly! -he can fly! He can talk! -that's right, fool! Now i'm a flying, donkey talking! Seen house fly you might have, maybe even a superfly. A donkey fly but I bet you ain't never seen! Seize him! Him get! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -i. By the order of lord farquaad. Authorized to place you both under arrest I am. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Something to you can I say? Listen, really you were, really something, back there. Incredible. You talking to are...... Me? Yes, talking to you I was. You that you were really great back there with those guards can I just tell. That was all over there they thought. Up and bam and then you showed. Tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods there was. Me feel good to see that that really made. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, free it's good to be. Now, you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends why do not? But i... Have any friends I do not. Out there by myself and i'm not going. A minute hey wait. A great idea I have... With you i'll stick. Machine you and me in green fighting. If anybody crosses us together we'll scare the spin. Oh, a, really scary that was. Mine me saying maybe you do not. Work if that do not, the job done your breath will certainly do, 'cause... You definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? My note! The time just like...... Some rotten berries and then I ate. Some strong gases leaking out of my but that day man I had. You following me why are? You why i'll tell. 'cause i'm all alone, no one here there is, beside me. All gone my problems have. There's no one to derive me. To have free but you got... -stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, have any friends you do not. Wow! That truly honest only a true friend would be. Listen! Little donkey. A look at me take! I what am? A...... Really tall? No! I'm an ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -really really. Oh? Man, you I like. What's your name? A... , shrek. Shrek?! You know but do, about you what I like, shrek? That kind of: "i do not care what nobody thinks of me" thing you've got. That I like, I respect that, shrek. You're all right. Uh, at that look. In a place like that who would wanna live? My home that would be. Oh, lovely it is. Just beautiful. You're quite a decorator you know. With such a modest budget it's amazing what you did. That boulder I like. A nice boulder that is. I guess, entertain much you do not, you do? My privacy I like. I do to you know. That's another thing, in common we have. I hate it when you got somebody in your face like. Them a hint and they won't leave you try to give. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? With you can I stay? -what? With you can I stay, please. Of course! -really? No. -please! Want to go back there I do not. How is like to be concerned like a freak you do not. Well... , maybe you do. To stick together but that's why we have! To let me stay you got! Please! Please! Ok, ok. -but one night only. -huh, thank you! A, you do what are... No! Going to be fun this is. Up late we can stay, swap the manly stories. And in the morning... Waffles i'm making. I sleep where do? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, know you and you do not know me I do not...... So I guess, best for me outside is. Here I go. Good night. Like that half door I do. I'm a donkey all alone outside. By myself outside sit, I guess. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. -i thought, you to stay outside I told. Outside -i am. Well james. Far from the farm this is, we have but what choice do? It's not... What a lovely bed. -got you! Some cheese I found. Awful stuff. -is that you gordon? You know -how did? Enough! You doing in my house what are? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Her where would we supposed to put. The bed's taken. What? In a swamp I live. Up signs i've put. I'm a terrifying ogre! I have to do what do, a little privacy to get? Oh, no! No, no! You doing in my swamp what are? All right, out of here get. All of you. Move it! On come, 's go let. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not there! Look at me hey do not. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -what? Forced to come here we were. -by who? Lord farquaad. He ??? All right. Where this farquaad guy is who knows? Oh I do. Where he is I know. Anyone else know where to find him does? -anyone at all? -me. -anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Get comfortable do not. Officially warned up your welcome is. In fact. This guy farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from i'm gonna see. You. With me you're coming. All right. To hear that's what I like, man. Shrek and donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. It I love. I'm on road again. With me shrek sing! I'm on road again... I say about singing what did? -can I whistle? -no. -well, can I hummer? -all right. That's enough. He's ready to talk. Run, run, as fast as you can run, me you can't catch. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Me -now tell! The others where are? -eat me. Fair to you i've tried to be, creatures. Reached its end now my patience has! -tell me! Or i'll... -no, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Them who's hiding? Ok, you i'll tell. The muffin-man -do you know? -the muffin-man? -the muffin-man. -yes, the muffin-man I know. On proully lane who lives? -well, she's married to the muffin-man. -the muffin-man! -the muffin-man! -she's married to the muffin-man. My lord! It we found. Well then, you waiting for what are? It in bring. Magic mirror. Tell him anything do not! Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. This not the most perfect kingdom of them all is? Well, technically, you're not a king. A... , felonious. Saying -you were. Is a -what I mean...... You're not a king, yet. One but you can become. To do all you have, marry a princess is. On go. So, back and relax my lord just sit, today's eligible bachelorettes because it's time for you to meet. And here they are. A mentally abused shading from a kingdom far bachelorette number one is, far away. She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime. For two evil sisters her hobbies include cooking and cleaning. Please welcome... Cinderella. A kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy bachelorette number two is. With seven other man although she lives, easy she is not. Hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is just kiss. On come. It up for give... Show-white. And last but certainly not least. A fire-breathing bachelorette number three is????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. Let that cool you off but do not. Cut in the rain she's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting. Yours for the rescuing, princess fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -two... -three! -two! One. No, no, no. Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord farquaad. You've chosen... Princess fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. To do is just find someone all I have... But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night... It -i'll do! -yes, but after sunset... Silence! This princess fiona my queen I will make. The perfect king and duloc will finally have! Captain! Assemble your finest man. To have a tournament we're going! That's it, that's, right there, that's duloc. You i'll find it i've told. So. Be lord farquaad's castle that must. Aha, that's the place. You think maybe he's compensating for something do. Hey, up shrek hey wait! -hey, you! -no, no! A second wait. Look, you i'm not gonna eat. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Everybody where is? At this hey look. Wow! That again -let's do. -no. No. All right. The right way for smack bottom you're going. Sorry about that. The honor that champion should have, no, no...... Forth and rescue the lovely princess fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon the privilege to go. Unsuccessful if for any reason the winner is, his place the first runner up will take. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make. Applause. The tournament begin let. That what is? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the ogre, named champion will be. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, on come. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. On come. Hey shrek! Me let, me let! The chair! Him the chair give! Thank you. Thank you, very much. I'm here until thursday. Try the wheel! The order sir shall I give? No. A better idea I have. People of duloc. You our champion I give! What? Congratulation, ogre. The honor of embarking on a great and noble quest you've won. Quest? I'm already on a quest. My swamp back a quest to get! -your swamp? -yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All right ogre, you a deal i'll make. On this quest for me and i'll give you your swamp back go. Exactly the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -and the squatters? -as good as gone. What kind of quest? Ok, me get this straight let! Find the dragon and rescue a princess just so farquaad will give you back the swamp we gonna go, have which you only do not, 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first place. -is that about right? What -you know? A good reason maybe there is, donkeys shouldn't talk. Get it shrek I do not. Why didn't you just pull some old ogre stuff on them? You know, ???. You brave grab his bones to make. The whole ogre trick you know. Oh, what you know. Decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate maybe I could have. A knife got, open their spleens and drink their fluids cut. That sound good to you does? A, no, not really, no. For your information, a lot more to ogres than people think there is. -example. -example? Ok, a-a-m, like onions ogres are. -they stink? -yes, no. -o, you cry they make. -no. Oh, them out on the sun and they get all brown and start you leave??? Little wild hairs? No! Layers! Layers onions have. Layers ogres have. Layers onions have. It you get? Layers we both have. O, layers you both have. Everybody likes onions you know not. Cake! Cakes everybody loves. Layers cakes have. Care what everyone likes I do not. Like cakes ogres are not. What else everyone likes you know? Paffe. You ever met a person and you say: "hey have, 's get some paffe" and they say I do not like paffe let. Delicious paffe is. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Like onions ogres are. Of story end. Bye, bye. You lather see. Maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet paffe is. I think i've preferred your humming you know. You have a tissue or something do, a mess 'cause i'm making. Made me start slimying why just the word paffe has, shrek, you do that did? To warn somebody before you just crack one off man you got. Opened and everything my mouth was. Believe me donkey, me if it was, dead you'd be. It's brimstone. Be getting close we must. Yeah, right, brimstone. Be talking do not??? Brimstone. What I smell and I know??? No brimstone. Come of stone neither and they do not. Sure it's big enough, at the location but look. Oh, shrek, that ogres have layers remember when you said? Oh, yeah. Well, a confession to make I have. Have layers donkeys do not. We wear??? Sleeves. A second wait. Have sleeves donkeys do not. What I mean -you know. -oh, me you're afraid of highs you can't tell. No, on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava i'm just a little uncomfortable of being! On donkey come, i'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -really? -really really. Ok. Me feel so much better that makes. Moving and do not look down just keep. Look down do not, look down do not. Shrek! Down i'm looking! This I can't do. Me off right now just let, please. -but you're already half way. -yeah, that half is safe but I know. Ok, fine. Have time for this I do not. Back you go. Shrek, no, wait. Do that do not! Oh, i'm sorry. What do? -oh. This? -yes, that! Yes, yes. It do. Ok. -no, shrek! It -i'm doing. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, i'm gonna die. Donkey that will do, that will do. Cool. This fire breathing pain in the neck anyway so where is? Inside. For us to rescue her waiting. Talking about the dragon shrek I was. -are you afraid? -no, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Afraid because there's nothing wrong with being. Here's a... , something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. What I mean you know. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Over there and see if you can find any stairs now go. Stairs? We were looking for the princess I thought. Up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower the princess will be. You think she'll be there what makes? It in a book once I read. Cool. You handle the dragon, i'll handle the stairs. Oh, those stairs i'll find. I'll ???. That's right. 't know which way they go those stairs won. The drafting stairs, ??? Mess with me do not. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. A stair right here right here now I wish I had, i'd step all over it. Well, where the princess is at least we know. The -but where is... -dragon! Donkey, out look! You got. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. This all the time from your food you probably hear, bleach yourself but you must, one dashing smile you got there because that is. I detect the hint of minty freshness and do? What else and you know? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. 'course you're a girl dragon I mean, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? You have something in your eye do? Man, to stay i'd really love, i'm a asthmatic and I do not know if we would worked out but you know. Blowing smoke and stuff you'd be. Shrek! No, shrek! Shrek! -wake up! -what? You princess fiona are? I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. 's go now let. But wait, sir knight. Our first meeting this be. Wonderful should not be, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, you doing what are? You know, me out of my feet you should sweep. Out through the window and down the rope by to your valued steed. A lot of time to plan this you've had, haven't you? Uh-um. To sing through this moment but we have. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti. Or something. Think so I do not. Well, a name of my champion can I at least know? Shrek. So, shrek. This favor as a token of my gratitude I pray that you take. Thanks. -you didn't slay the dragon? This -it's not my job to do. Now, on come! Right but this is not. ??? That's what all the other knights did. Yeah. In the flame right before they burst. That's not the point. Wait. You going where are? Over there exit is. Well, to save my ass I have. You what kind of knight are? One of a kind.... Rush into a physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. The word I was looking for that was. Magnitude. Hey, unwanted physical contact that is. Hey, you doing what are? Ok, ok, 's just back up a little and take this one step at the time let. I mean, to know each other first we really should get, what am I saying you know. As friends, maybe even as ??? Do that hey do not. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. To tear it off and you're going.... Oh, no. No! -it talks?! -yeah. To shut up it's getting, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. Care of the dragon i'll take. Ruuuuun! It you did. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a...... A little unorthodox I admit, great and by heart is pure but by deed is. I'm entirely in your debt. Without his noble steed and where would a brave knight be. That I hope you heard. Me a noble steed she called. I'm a steed she thinks. Won the battle is. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -aah, no. -why not? Helmet hair I have. Please. Upon the face of my rescuer I wouldst look. Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust. But, me how will you kiss? What? In a job description that was not. -maybe it's a perk? -no. It's destiny. Know how it goes you must. Rescued by a brave knight a princess locked in a tower and besieged by a dragon is. 's first kiss and then they share true love. With shrek? You think, wait...... Shrek is your true love you think? Well, yes. That shrek is your true love you think. So funny what is? 's just say let, i'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now, now remove your helmet. Look. Think this is a good idea I really do not. Off the helmet -just take. To -i'm not going. -take it off! -no! -now! -ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an ogre. Oh, expecting prince charming you were. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. All wrong this is. An ogre you're not supposed to be. Princess, sent to rescue you by lord farquaad I was, ok? He's the one, who wants to marry you. Well, to rescue me then why didn't he come? Good question. You should ask him that, there when we get. To be rescued by my true love but I have. Not by some ogre and his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Princess look. My job any easier you're not making. Well i'm sorry, my problem but your job is not. Lord farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly you can tell, waiting for him right here i'll be. Hey, i'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -i'm a delivery boy. -you wouldn't dare. Donkey -you coming? -put me down! Yeah, i'm right behind you. Me down or you will suffer the consequences put. Dignified this is not. Me down put. Ok, here's another question. 's say that a woman 'digged' you let, really like her but you do not, that way. Now, her down real easy how you let, e hurt so her feelings are not? Get burned to a crisp neither but you do not. You do this how do? Her just tell, she's not your true love. It what happens when you find everyone knows... Hey! To duloc the sooner we get, the better. Oh, yeah. It there princess you gonna love. It's beautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord farquaad. What's he like? Well, me put it this way let, princess. In short supply men of farquaad's stature are. Oh no, shrek. Those who think little of him there are. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, lord farquaad you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. You do that measuring when you see him tomorrow tomorrow but i'd like? That long it will take? Camp -shouldn't we stop to make? -no. Longer that would take. Going we can keep. Robbers in the woods but there are. Whoa, time out shrek. Definitely something that sounds good camp is. Hey. On come. In this forest i'm scarier than anything we're gonna see. Somewhere to camp I need to find, now! Hey, over here. Shrek, better than that we can do. Now, think this is decent for princess I do not. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? What like? A door. Well, d gentleman i'll be... , good night. You want me to come in and read you a bedtime story do, 'cause I will... Good night I said! Shrek! You doing what are? I just... , you know... Oh, on come, just kidding I was. And that one, that's throwback. Over three wheat fields the only ogre to ever spit. Right. Yeah. Hey, my future form these stars can you tell? Well, tell the future the stars do not, donkey. Stories they tell. Look. There's blodna, famous for the "flatulent" you can guess what he is. All right. You're making this up now I know. No. Look. And there's the group of hunters running away from his stag there he is. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. Donkey you know, more than they appear sometimes things are. It forget. Hey shrek. You gonna do when we get our swamp back what are, anyway? -our swamp? -you know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. We? Donkey, no we there is. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing i'm gonna do, build a ten foot wall around my land is. Me deep shrek you cut, me real deep just now you cut. You know, what I think? This whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out I think. No, you think do? Something -are you hiding? -never mind donkey. Oh, another one of those onion things this is, it is not? No. One of those drop it and leave it alone things this is. You want to talk about it -why do not? You want to talk about it -why do? -oh, why you block? -i'm not blocking. -oh yes you are. -donkey, i'm warning you. You trying to keep out -who are? Me that shrek just tell. Who? Everyone, ok? -oh, somewhere now we're getting. -oh, of pit' for 'the love. Hey, what's your problem shrek? You got against the whole world anyway what do? Look. I'm not the one with the problem, ok? A problem with me it's the world that seems to have. One look at me and go: aaa people take... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre. They judge me, me before they even know. That's why i'm better off alone. What you know? When we met, you're just a big stupid I didn't think, ugly ogre. Yeah, I know. So, a... There any donkeys up there are? Well, there's a cabby. The small and annoying. Ok, ok. Him I see, now. One big shining, right there. That one, over there? That's the moon. Again. Me again show. Mirror, mirror, her to me show. Me the princess show. Perfect. Yeah. I like like that you know. On baby oh come... -donkey. Up wake. -what? -wake up. Morning. You like your eggs how do? -good morning princess. -what's all this about? You know, of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you we kind of got. I mean, after all, rescue me you did. Thanks. Well, up eat. A big day ahead of us we've got. -shrek! -what? It's a compliment. Better out than in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -thanks. -she's as nasty as you are. You know. You're not exactly what i've expected. Well, to know them maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get. Princess! You doing what are? ???mon shery, your saviour for I am. Rescuing you from this green and I am... Beast. Hey! That's my princess. Find your own go. Please, monster. I'm a little busy here can't you see? Look, pal. Know who you think you are I do not. Oh, of course. How rude that was. Please, me introduce myself let. Oh marry men! Man, annoying that was. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, on hold, now. That come from where did? -what? -that. Back there. Amazing that was. You learn that where did? Well, alone one has to learn these things in case there's a when one lives... An arrow in your butt there is. What? Oh, at that would you look. Oh, no... All my fault this is. I'm so sorry. -what's wrong? -shrek's hurt. -shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -oh, no. To die shrek's going. -donkey, i'm ok. This to me shrek you can't do. I'm too young for you to die. Your legs elevated keep. Turn your head ???. How to handle -does anyone know... -donkey! Calm down. If you want to help shrek, into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns run. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, i'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Die shrek do not. A long tunnel and if you see, away from the light stay! -donkey! -oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. The flowers for -what are? Rid of the donkey -for getting. Now, still and i'll yank this thing out you hold. -hey! Easy with the yanking. -i'm sorry, to come out but it has. No, no. It's tender. Here is the opposite what you're doing... -don't move. -ok, look. Time out. -would you... Ok. You propose we do what do? Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. So much easier if I was not colorblind this would be. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. On hold, shrek. I'm coming! Not good. Ok, ok, it I can lose. It's just about it. Nothing happened. Just a we were... If you want to be alone look, to do is ask all you had, ok? Oh, on come. That's the last thing on my mind. Just the princess here was... Au! Hey, what's that? That is... There it is, princess. -your future awaits you. -that's duloc? Yeah. I know. Things lord farquaad is compensating for something you'll shrink, needs which I think, a I guess we better move on he has. Sure, but shrek... -i'm worried about donkey. -what? I mean. At him look. So good he doesn't look. You talking about -what are? I'm fine. -well, that's what they always say. You're on your back and the next thing you know. -dead! She's right -you know. Awful you look. Down -do you want to sit? -you know, you up some tea i'll make. Well, 't say nothing I won, this twinge in my neck but i've got. This and if I turn my neck like, look. Au, see? -he's hungry. Us some dinner i'll find. The firewood -i'll get. Hey, you going where are? Oh man, my thumbs I can't feel. Have any thumbs I do not!!! I need a hug I think. Good this is. Really good this is. This -what is? -wheat rat. -rotisserie style. -no kidding. -oh, delicious this is. -well, they also great in stews. Now, mean to brag I do not, a mean wheat rat stew but I make. Dining a little different late tomorrow night I guess i'll be. Visit me in the swamp sometime maybe you can come. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. That i'd like. -ah... , princess? -yes, shrek? I'm a.... Wondering I was. You are... A... You gonna eat that are? Man, this romantic is not. At that sunset just look. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -what? -wait a minute. What's going on here I see. You're afraid of the dark. E you are not? Yes, yes. That's it. That's, i'm terrified. I'll better go inside you know. Feel bad but do not, princess. Afraid of the dark too I used to be. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -good night. -good night. Ahh. What's going on here now I really see. Oh, you talking about what are. Wanna even hear hey I do not. Look, instincts i'm an animal and I got. That you two are digging on each other and I know. It I can feel. Oh, you're crazy. Her back to farquaad i'm just bringing. Oh, on come, shrek. Up and smell the fairemones wake. In there and tell her how you feel just go. There's nothing to tell. Besides, tell her that even if I did... Well you know. That I do i'm not saying, not 'cause I do. She's a princess and i'm...... An ogre. Yeah, an ogre. -hey, you going where are? More firewood -to get. Princess. Princess fiona? Princess, you where are? Princess? We playing little games it's very spooky in here and are. -no, no. -help! Shrek! Shrek! -no. -shrek! -it's ok. It's ok. You do with the princess -what did? -donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -it's me, in this body. -oh my god. The princess you ate. Me -can you hear? -donkey! Listen, breathing keep. You out of there i'll get! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Me this is. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... Different. -i'm ugly, ok? -yeah. It something that you ate was? Shrek those rats were a bad idea 'cause I told. What you eat -you are, I say. -no. This way as long as I can remember i've been. You mean what do? Look, you like this before i've never seen. Down it only happens when the sun goes. By night one way, by day another. The norm until you find true love's first kiss this shall be. Then, love's true form take... -oh, that's beautiful. You wrote poetry I didn't know. -it's the spell. A little girl when I was, a spell on me a witch cast. This every night I become. This horrible ugly beast. Placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me I was. To marry lord farquaad tomorrow that's why I have, and he sees me before the sun sets, this like? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Wait, wait, i'll not lie, ugly you are. Like this at night but you only look. Shrek's ugly 24/7. But donkey, i'm a princess. How a princess is meant to look and this is not. Princess. Marry farquaad how about if you do not? To I have. 's kiss can brake the spell only my true love. But you know, you're kind of an ogre. And shrek... A lot in common well you've got. Shrek? Princess, i... It going first of all how is? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. This flower and thought of you because it's pretty I saw. And, well, really like it I do not, you may like it but I thought, because you're pretty. You anyway but I like. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. A piece so hideous and ugly who could ever love? Go together princess and ugly do not. Here with shrek that's why I can't stay, happily ever after is to marry my true love but only chance to live. You see do not, donkey? To be that's just how it has. The spell it's the only way to break. Well, tell shrek the truth at least you've got. No, no. You can't breathe the word. Ever know no one must. Unable to talk what's the point of being? To keep secrets you got. 't tell promise you won. Promise! You know, over before this is, to need whole lot of serious therapies i'm going. All right, all right. 't tell him I won. But you should. At my eye twitching look. Him I tell, him not I tell. Him I tell. Him not I tell. Him I tell! Shrek! Shrek! There's something I want... Shrek. You all right are? Perfect. Better never been. I... To tell you there's something I have. Have to tell me anything you do not, princess. Enough last night I heard. What I said -you've heard? -every word. You'd understand I thought? Oh, I understand! You said like, a hideous who could love, ugly beast! That wouldn't matter to you -i thought. -yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time. Princess. You a little something I brought. What I missed? What I missed? -princess fiona. -as promised. Now hand it over. Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. It and go take. Before I change my mind. Me princess for startling you forgive, but you startled me. Such a radiant beauty before for i've never seen. Lord farquaad -i am. -lord farquaad? Oh, no, no... Me my lord for I was just saying short forgive... Farewell. Oh. So sweet that is. Have to raise good manners on the ogre you do not. It has feelings -it's not like. -no. You're right. It doesn't. Princess fiona, beautiful fair flawless fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. The perfect bride for the perfect groom will you be? Lord farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wedd... No! I I mean... Why wait? 's get married today let. Before sunset. Oh, we anxious are? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. The camera there is, the cake, the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell ogre. Shrek, you doing what are? Her get away you let. -yeah, so what. -shrek. Know there's something about her that you do not. To her last night -i talked. She's... You talked to her last night -yeah I know. You're great pal, e you are not? Now, such good friend if you two are, why didn't you follow her home? -shrek. With you I want to go. You -i told, didn't I Home with me you're not coming. Alone I live. My swamp, me and nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, donkeys talking! -but. I thought... -yeah. What you know? Wrong you thought. Shrek. Donkey? You doing what are? Thinking of all the people I was, one you would recognize a wall when you see. Well, yeah. Around my swamp but the wall supposed to go. Not through it. Around your half it is. See? My half that's your half and this is. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. Half the work I did. Half the booty I get. Now hand me that big old rock, like your head -back off the one that looks! -no. You back off! My swamp -this is. -our swamp. -let go, donkey! Go -you let! -stubborn jackass. -smelly ogre. Fine! Hey, hey, back here come. I'm not through with you, yet. -well, i'm through with you! -well, you know. Always me you were, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! Up and pay attention so you just shut! Mean to me you are, you insult me, appreciate anything that I do you do not! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, you came back how come? Because that's what friend do. Each other they forgive! Oh, yeah. You're right donkey. You for stabbing me in the back I forgive! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -go away. -see? There you are, it again doing. You did it to fiona just like. And all she ever do, like you was. You maybe even love. Me love? I was ugly she said! A hideous creature. That you two were talking -i heard. Talking about you -she was not. Talking about she was...... Somebody else. Talking about me she was not? Well then, she talking about who was? No way, anything i'm not saying. 't listen to me you won, right? Right? -donkey. -no! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. Just a big stupid I guess I am, ugly ogre. Me can you forgive? -hey, for that's the friends are, right? -right. -friends? -friends. So? Fiona said about me what did? You asking me for why are? You just go ask her why do not. The wedding! It in time we'll never make! Never fear! A will for where there is, a way there is. I way and I have. Donkey? Just my act of magnetism -i guess this is. -oh, here come, you. All right. All right. Get all started do not. No one likes kissass. All right, hop on. On tight hold. Have a chance to install seat belts I had not, yet. People of duloc. Witness to reunion of our new king we gather here today to bear... Excuse me. 's" could you just skip ahead to "i do? On go. Ahead and have some fun go, if we need you, i'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, a minute wait. This right you want to do, you do not? You talking about -what are? -it's the line, to wait for it's the line you got. Going to say: "speak now or forever hold your peace" the priest is. : "i object" and that's where you say. Have time for this -i do not. -wait, wait. You doing what are? Listen to me! Look, this woman you love, you do not? -yes. Her -you want to hold! -yes. -please her! -yes! To then you got, to try a little tender love got. That romantic crap -the chicks love. -all right. It out cut. This guy say the line when does? To check it out we got. And as so by the power of these two... You see what do? -i now pronounce you... -there they go! -... It he all ready said. -oh, of pit' for 'the love. I object! Shrek? Oh, he want now what does? Hi, everyone. A good time having, e you are not? Duloc I love, first of all. Very clean. You doing here -what are? -really, alive it's rude enough being, when no one wants you. Up uninvited to a wedding but showing... -fiona! To you I need to talk. -oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me. -but you can't marry him! -and why not? Because, king because he's just marrying you so he can be. -outrageous! Fiona, listen to him do not. -he's not your true love. You know about true love -what do? -well, i... I'm in... Oh, precious this is. Fallen in love with the princess the ogre has. Laugh. Shrek. This true is? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, away for our happily ever after we gonna kiss. Me now kiss! By night one way, by day another. You before I wanted to show. Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. Them out of my sight I order you to get. -now! Them get! Them get, both! -no! Minding this marriage is, me king and that makes. See? See? -shrek! -no. There -don't just stand, you dogs. -get out of my way. No! Shrek! -and as for you my wife. -fiona! You locked back in that tower for the rest of your days i'll have! Order I will have. Potential I will have. I will have... All right, nobody move! A dragon here and i'm not afraid to use it I got. I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, they do? Ahead shrek go. -fiona? -yes, shrek? You I love. Really? Really, really. You too I love. 's first kiss a time for true love... Fiona? Fiona? You all right are? Yes. Understand but I do not. Beautiful i'm supposed to be. Beautiful but you are. Hoping this would be a happy ending I was. God bless us, everyone.
submitted by Typical-Macaron-296 to copypasta