After a year and a half post-divorce, I finally don't feel lonely, but I'm not sure what to do now...
I'm 25, and I got divorced at 24 after a really messy string of events. She was abusive, and manipulated her way into anything under the sun that she wanted and out of any responsibilities like the health of our relationship, our financial well being, and my personal boundaries (admittedly, I had very few at the time). Eventually, all the lies snagged her up, and we got a divorce just three months after buying our first house and a handful of months before our 2 year anniversary.
She got the house... and my dog.
Anyway, as you would expect, I was devastated. It's all I could think about. It's still hard to not put "divorcee" near the top of my list of personal qualifiers, which I totally understand is pretty unnecessary. Most people really just don't care.
Despite the fear, paranoia, sadness, anger, and other hardships of having to completely restructure my life and start from scratch, the loneliness was the hardest thing to stomach. I went on a year's worth of dates that's success ranged anywhere from revelatory to unforgettably disastrous, and they never really went any farther than the occasional hookup at best. (Positive side bar: I learned that healthy sexual relationships, even casual ones, can be really fulfilling for what they are! I hadn't had a quality sexual experience in years before all of this, even when I was married. It's a nice ego boost at the very least.)
I pined for more than that though for a companion, a friend to share meals with, wake up to, cook for, binge watch netflix while binge drinking IPA's, read my short stories to at one in the morning when I'm in a creative fit, play board games with, introduce my friends to, grab a glass of wine and listen to the local bandstand mumble through poorly EQ'ed monitors. I was tired of constantly feeling like I was in a bubble, stuck behind a translucent barrier that only allowed me to see other happy people yet not get close enough to be happy with them.
That bubble popped mysteriously not too long ago, and now I just feel like I'm standing here in the midst of a global pandemic scratching my head.
The loneliness is gone by in large... and I have no idea what to do with that. The past year and a half has been punctuated by feeling like an outsider, like I haven't done enough with my 25 years, like I'm going to be stuck in the ruts I have always been stuck in, like I won't be able to turn my passions into something more substantial to share, like everything I am doing is just guess work even when I'm at my best.
I just kind of don't know what to do with this free emotional real estate. It's funny in a way. I feel more emotionally available than ever, but conversely, dating apps and stuff have lost almost all appeal for me. I probably stay on them purely out of force of habit.
I know this is getting rambling, but I'm feeling a bit directionless now. For a while there was pretty clear objectives that kept me oriented on some task: get divorce papers, take care of the dog, argue about whether we should get lawyers, file papers, figure out how the hell to fill out a quick-claim deed, close out bank accounts, divide assets, find a new place to live, swipe on tinder, get out of the house, find things to look forward to in 2020.
There are just a lot of catch 22's right now that leave me feeling rather strange as I stare at the lot where my loneliness used to be. I'd love to go to festivals, dance, drink, and have new experiences with people, but COVID kinda halts that. I'd love to travel around or go on a vacation of some kind, but while I am financially stable, I don't have a ton of extra cash to toss around. I'd love to find someone whom I have real, palpable chemistry with, but the misery of endlessly swiping on strangers faces is more tedium than I care to tolerate at this point.
All that being said, I refuse to be a victim of circumstance and vegetate in my apartment. I go out for hikes. I hammock and read. I play Animal Crossing, write on my horror sub, play violin, or crochet in my free time. If I pass a stranger on the trails near my house, I try to strike up conversation to get my social tank filled. That empty space is still there though, and I have no clue what to put in it's place. It's not a bad feeling, per se; it just feels like I have somehow rearranged all my furniture without me knowing it. Everything is the same, but things are different.
Anyway, if anyone has had a particularly sharp quarter life crisis, I'd love to hear your wisdom on making the most of it. Sorry for how rambling this post was; I really just needed to get my thoughts out there.
submitted by
Ghettoceratops to
offmychest
Language Pad 10
Language Pad 10 Release
Screenshot Download Github Language Pad is a word processor, like WordPad, that has conlanging/linguistics-oriented features such as an accent mark editor, a panel to insert IPA characters and other common characters such as 'Œ' or 'ð', and a dictionary to store your vocabulary in.
I originally intended Language Pad 9.4 to be the last release of Language Pad (as I work on
Thorn Writer, a cross-platform re-write), but that's probably going to take a while complete, so there will be a few more Language Pad releases in the mean time.
Language Pad 10 is a huge update over 9.4 with a bunch of bug fixes and improvements. One of the biggest new features is HiDPI support. Instead of relying on Windows scaling (and appearing blurry on high resolution displays), the application is now DPI aware and looks sharp on every display. The icon sizes can be switched between in the settings dialog for high and low resolution displays.
Here's what the non-DPI-aware Language Pad 9.4 looks like vs the DPI-aware Language Pad 10 Besides UI improvements, individual pages can now be exported to HTML and notebooks can be exported to the future Thorn Writer format.
Version 10.0 (April 8, 2020) • Full HiDPI support • Use Taiga icon pack • Add option in settings to load character editor on startup • Updated to .NET Framework 4.8 • Updated app icon • Remember display font chosen by user on dictionary window • Launch character editor to right of main window on startup • Character editor can now be used on text boxes in the properties panel • Character editor context menu now matches application theme • Duplicate pages now have the source page's title by default • Export to new Thorn Writer format (for forward compatibility) • Export pages to HTML • Bug Fix: Creating a new notebook wouldn't clear words from the last file's dictionary • Bug Fix: When adding a new page to an empty notebook, the page's tab wouldn't automatically open • Bug Fix: Character editor file tab wouldn't be reset when creating a new file • Bug Fix: Dictionary would sometimes appear behind the main window • Bug Fix: "Clear style" button on edit style dialog wouldn't refresh preview • Bug Fix: Character editor would pop up after being closed • Bug Fix: Character insertion could sometimes fail • Bug Fix: The second file loaded in a row sometimes wouldn't fully load • Bug Fix: Scrollbar would show on accents panel in character editor even when not needed • Bug Fix: An unmodified document would sometimes be marked as modified • Bug Fix: Clicking cancel on a save dialog after being asked save before closing would have no effect
submitted by
discountabortions to
conlangs
